War in my mind

I know I've written about my fear of getting Alzheimer's and why my increased forgetfulness only boosts that fear into an almost terror.  Combine that with the also increased episodes of blanking when having conversations and we're just a tiny hop from full terror. 

To me, it seems that I used to have an incredible memory.  True, I could remember certain events a certain way while someone else recalled the incident in a completely different manner, but I did remember things.  My long-term memory is good to excellent.  My short-term memory is okay to good.  But my, I'm going to call it "immediate-term" memory, usually fails me. 

Immediate-term memory is when you have a thought pop into your head during a conversation and politely wait for the next pause to jump in and share it.  It can be 2 seconds or 2 minutes before that pause, and you start to speak and... nothing.  Your mind hits the delete key and you have no idea what you wanted to say. 

Another immediate-term memory issue is going to look something up online only to open your browser and go completely blank.  You sit there, hands on the keyboard, and stare at the screen.  Your mind races as it scrambles to remember.  Perhaps you start to mentally retrace the last several moments, hoping that something will trigger your memory and enable you to do what you had planned.

Or you walk into a room with the intention of getting something - a book - or doing something - feeding your dogs - and you stop, dead in your tracks and have a brief moment of panic as you ponder why you came into this room.  More than likely, you look around and hope that something pops out and you have that aha moment of remembering.  You might return to the place from where you have just come, willing that to jump-start your brain. 

This has been happening to me more and more lately. 

Sometimes I remember in a few moments, sometimes I'm about to fall asleep and recall what I'd wanted to say.  There are also times that it seems as though the thought/the act/the plan has completely vanished from my radar.  I still know that I'd had an intention but drive myself a bit crazy as I still cannot remember what it was. 

It is frustrating.

And scary.