Mind problems

I've been reporting that I've been feeling much better and that I'm not experiencing as many of the depression issues that plague me.  And I am.  I'm very hopeful that I will continue to improve.

There is, however, one problem that has not improved.  My brain is still a very muddled place to live.  My thoughts are quickly dissipating and I keep finding myself either rambling and providing too much information or not being able to compose a single thought or at least one that makes sense.  Quite often I go to speak and when I open my mouth to do so, I go blank and spend time trying to recall what it was that I'd wanted to say, usually without success.

I know that this can be something that is totally unrelated to my struggles with depression but I also know that it can have something to do with my depression or other mental disorders.   It is something that I will bring up to Dr. S when I see him in a few weeks on October 16.

This issue is both aggravating and unnerving to me.  It's aggravating because I hate not being able to rely on my brain to help me communicate.  It doesn't happen all the time but it happens enough that I'm noticing it as a problem.  Words are also my thing and not being able to string them together to form thoughts and express myself is almost as bad as taking away the air that I breathe.

It is unnerving because of my family history involving dementia and Alzheimer's disease.  My paternal grandmother had dementia and was showing the early signs of Alzheimer's when she passed away.  Her passing may have, in part, been caused by the dementia and/or Alzheimer's.  Her children - my father and my aunt - are both in their early- to mid-sixties and are experiencing issues with memory loss.  My father has always been bad with names and forgetful but it is gotten worse over the years.  Sometimes he forgets that he has told me something and repeats it a few times.  This isn't usually in the same conversation but two separate conversations roughly a week apart.  He also tends to think he's told me something or that I've told him something that hasn't been said.

At one time I read that people with mental disorders are more likely to get dementia and/or Alzheimer's disease and also that both can run in families.  All of the blood-related women on my father's side of the family (sister, grandmother, aunt, cousin and her daughter), including my father, have all had issues with depression that have required medication at one point in time or another.   I've also heard that depression and other mental disorders can also run in families.  Makes me a bit worried about my current problems.

In the last two years, instances of my forgetfulness have been increasing.  One day I went to cut up a tomato for a salad and stood there with the knife in one hand and the tomato in the other for several moments before remembering how to cut it.  There are other times that I will place items I need to take with me upon leaving only to forget to take them.  The forgetfulness does not occur as much as the moments when I just lose my thoughts.