Two weeks

As of today, I have been on my meds for two weeks.  I really think they are working because:

1. I feel better/not depressed
2. I'm less angry/temperamental/moody/bitchy --->
3. No crying jags
4. Sleeping better (falling asleep easier, staying asleep)
5. Actually give a shit about stuff 
6. Have motivation, at least some
7. More patience

There are probably a lot of other differences too but those are the ones that I can think of right now.

I'm chalking this up to it being a success and a very good thing.  Part of me is afraid to get overly excited that I'm getting back to the me I know and love because I never know when the progress/healing/coping will come to a halt and we may need to re-evaluate the medicine or the dosage.  It's comparable to hitting a plateau in a weight loss plan.  You get angry and frustrated and a small part of you wants to throw in the towel because you never are going to get better or reach that goal.

And even though I'm a little bit afraid, I'm going to keep moving forward and doing what I can to get to the place where I am better.  I think I have finally hit that point in my life when I'm fed up and done with letting the depression win.  I've also come to terms with the fact that I will need to stay on my meds, even when I start feeling better, for perhaps the rest of my life.  I guess you can say I'm done being the victim of my depression and anxiety.

This new mindset feels so empowering to me.  I really like it.  I'm very positive that I will be able to continue with my determined outlook and plan, even when/if times get tough again.

There's this little niggling voice in the back of my mind that keeps suggesting that I haven't truly wanted to get better, at least not completely, in the past.  Or maybe it is that I hadn't been fully ready to get better.  Regardless, I need to explore this further.  I don't believe it is true...or at least I hope it isn't true...but the fact that it is there, tittering in the corner and making me think, requires some examination.   I'm not quite ready for that yet but will be exploring it soon.

Regardless, I am going to get better or die trying.  It's the only option for me anymore.  I will push past any frustrations or setbacks that arise.  I will actively work towards creating a lifestyle that is healthier for me on all levels - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.