10 analogies that perfectly capture depression

10 Analogies that perfectly capture depression by Amy Thurlow at Scary Mommy.

If others don’t believe you when you are certain you speak the truth, if you get blamed for something you know is not your fault, if no matter how many times you try explaining something the person just doesn’t get it, how does it make you feel? 

Pretty frustrated, I’m sure.

Sadly, this is the case for many who suffer from mental illness, like depression. Imagine being accused of creating your own illness with your negative attitude, laziness, or self-pity. It’s pretty awful. Those with depression long to be believed, long to be understood. Depression is NOT a feeling. It’s a very real disease, and I’m going to attempt to describe it to you with some analogies.

1. Irritability (The Sandpaper Bed)

You stand beside your bed. It looks cozy and inviting. You climb in and are startled by the feel of the sheets on your skin. They are rough, like sandpaper. Your pillow is hard as a rock. You roll over; nothing changes. The sandpaper sheets hurt your skin and the rock pillow makes it impossible to relax.

This is what irritability is like. You know you should not be bothered, but everything annoys you, angers you, makes you very uncomfortable. You wish with all of your might you could relax and feel peaceful, but it just won’t happen. You want to explode at everyone around you, but you hold it in as best you can. You press on, try to appear normal. Like a night spent in the sandpaper bed would be, it’s totally exhausting.

2. Empty/Numb (The Worst Comedy Show Ever)

Depression frequently makes you feel … absolutely nothing at all. Imagine you’re at a comedy show, but you’re the only one who finds nothing funny about it. Everyone else cracks up, laughing at jokes that evoke no response in you at all. You wish you could enjoy yourself as they are, but your heart and mind are void of all feeling. You throw back a few drinks, to try to ignite a spark of life within you, to no avail. You just want to go home so you can stop pretending you actually feel something other than numbness. Depression often makes you feel as though someone has reached in and ripped your soul out of your body. It’s not fun.

3. Extreme Fatigue (The 500 Pound Lead Suit)

Picture yourself wearing full body armor made of lead. You try to go about your daily activities, but every movement requires tremendous effort. You want to move. You try your best to move. It’s just completely exhausting. No matter how hard you try, you seem unable to take off your lead body armor. It only removes itself when it feels like it.

4. Self Loathing (Tied With a Rope to Someone You Really Dislike)

What if that person you can’t stand being around, that person you have a hard time finding good qualities in, that person you just can’t seem to like was tied to you with a 3-foot-long rope for an entire day?

“No way in hell,” you are probably thinking. Well, if you suffer from depression, that person is tied to you permanently. That person is yourself. It is a very sad, but very true, reality of depression. During the majority of a depressive episode, the sufferer thinks very negatively about themselves, and they might even have feelings of self-hatred.

5. Guilt (A Body Covered in Long Whiskers That Bug Everyone Around You)

Imagine you walk through the mall, or attend a family function, and all of a sudden your body grows huge, prickly whiskers that poke at everyone around you. You’d feel the need to apologize an awful lot. You’d probably feel pretty bad. Guilty. Guilty for being your prickly, whiskery self.

Depression doesn’t make a person grow whiskers, of course, but it certainly brings on constant, tremendous feelings of guilt. It makes you feel as though you are letting everyone down, that everyone is annoyed at, or disappointed by, you.

6. Physical Discomfort (The Constant Hangover)

Headache. Body Aches. Joint Pain. Nausea. Dizziness. If it gets bad enough, depression makes you feel like you have a constant hangover. If you haven’t experienced a hangover, think of how you feel when you are coming down with the flu.

Many cases of depression/anxiety are diagnosed only after the patient has sought medical help for physical symptoms. (I myself was one of those cases.) Those “Depression Hurts” commercials do not lie.

7. Confusion (A Partially Soundproof, Translucent Glass Box)

If you spent an hour surrounded by glass that was hard to see through and hard to hear through, and you tried to go about life as usual, things would get pretty darn confusing.

Depression often feels exactly like this. Focusing on anything becomes very hard. You find yourself holding your head in your hands all the time. Your vision literally blurs, and you have a hard time understanding what anyone is talking to you about. This confusion just increases other symptoms, like irritability and fatigue.

8. Strong Desire to Hide (Avoiding a Persistent Telemarketer)

You know that feeling you have when you see a telemarketer’s number on the call display? Someone with depression feels this way pretty much all of the time. They don’t want to answer the phone, or the door. They don’t want to go get groceries; they don’t want to go to your party. All they really want to do is hide under the covers and stop pretending everything is alright. They want to hide away so they can be depressed without fear of judgment or feelings of guilt.

9. Dread (A Colonoscopy Is Looming, Every Minute of Every Day)

I think it’s safe to say nobody out there looks forward to the day they need a colonoscopy. When you suffer from depression, you always feel like something unpleasant lies in the near future. Dread. Dread for reasons you can’t explain. In fact, knowing the dread was caused by an approaching colonoscopy would probably be an improvement over the nonspecific, sinking, scared feeling you often wake with, eat lunch with, and go to bed with when you suffer from depression.

10. Hopeless/Trapped (Drowning)

Imagine you are trapped in a tank of deep water. You tread water for a long time. You start getting tired. You aren’t sure how much longer you’ll be able to keep your head above water. You try to stay afloat, try to conserve your energy and pray someone will come along and help you. Time ticks on. You are so tired. You sink below the surface, hold your breath for as long as you can.

Nobody is coming to save you because nobody notices you need help. Desperately, you pull to the surface, gasp for air, sink back down again. You aren’t going to make it. You have lost all hope.

Depression is a very lonely, often desperate battle to feel alive.

But it doesn’t have to be lonely.

It doesn’t have to be hopeless.

There is plenty of help available for those suffering from depression. They just need to feel comfortable enough to seek it out. All of the stigma, the fear, the lack of empathy and understanding toward mental illness in our society needs to end.

The best thing you can do for someone with depression is let them know you believe them, and you are not afraid to talk with them about it openly and honestly.

You can be that arm that pulls them out of that tank of deep water with a few powerful words.

“I am here for you.”

“I am listening.”

“I believe you.”

Staying positive

Depression is a common condition; an estimated 10 percent of Americans will suffer from depression at some time in their lives. I suffer from clinical depression. Depression overwhelmed my life with feelings of loneliness, negative thoughts and emotions; I had difficulty going to work, talking to friends and family. My energy levels both emotional and physical were low. My life spiraled out of control. Eventually medication and hospitalization were necessary. They helped stabilize my condition, but staying positive while recovering from depression was difficult. My medication brought some relief, but I spiraled back into deep depression twice, at great cost to my life. I found that staying positive was the only effective way to overcome depression.

How do you stay positive while depressed?

It is difficult. Depression in itself brings negative thoughts; even medication will only ease some of those thoughts. In addition, the stigma, the financial, social and career problems caused by depression left me feeling hopeless. Staying positive is critical to a complete recovery. I keep a small notebook. I record negative thoughts and emotions that occur during my day. I record the time of day, and what I was doing. Then, each night I go through my notebook and look for patterns, or triggers to the negative thoughts and emotions. I replace the negative thought in my journal with a positive one that I wished or could have thought. The negative thoughts cause the negative emotions, so the idea is to train or reprogram your mind to have positive thoughts, which in turn create positive emotions. By writing down the negative thoughts and developing a plan for how to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, I was ready for them when they occurred.

Negative thoughts overwhelm me; I can't get them out of my mind let alone replace them with positive thoughts. What can I do?

It's like a catch 22. I needed to stop thinking negatively, but my brain wanted to hold on to the negative thoughts. I wanted a break from it. I found two things that brought relief from constant flow of negative thoughts and emotions I was experiencing- laughter and exercise. I developed a routine that incorporated both into my life. As my routine progressed, relief from the negative thoughts lasted longer. My ability to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts increased, and instead of spiraling down deeper into depression, I progressed further up into happiness

Laugh? All I want to do is cry, How can I laugh?

For me, it was watching sitcoms. They brought a half-an hour or so of relief everyday. I watched them before going to work, and after work, eventually my overall mood improved and the people around me reacted more positively to me. It was like a chain reaction, I became happier. I started the day happy and ended it with a smile. I stopped watching dramas and the news. Both paint a depressing picture of the world. What worked for me may not work for you. You might try having dinner with a fun friend, writing a funny story, playing with your dog or cat, but laugh. The old saying, laughter is the best medicine holds especially true for depression.

Exercise? I have no energy, it is a struggle to get out of bed, how do I exercise?

The key, start slowly. First, I walked around the block, and added a few steps each day. Eventually I was could walk three miles. I picked a pleasant route. So that I it was a pleasurable journey. I picked one with lots of people, trees and relaxing scenery. After the walk, I rewarded myself. The walks cleared my mind from the emotional clutter. My energy levels increased; I could walked further each day, and my outlook on life improved. The important thing is to start small, and get a routine going. Walking worked for me, but swimming, biking, running, even household chores, might work for you, but get your body moving.

Staying positive while depressed is critical for recovery. When overwhelmed with negative emotions It's difficult to stay positive, but it's something you must do. Three of the most effective ways to stay positive while depressed are journaling, laughing and exercising.

____________________
Greg Johnson offers more information, tips and advice on his website. You will find a short depression quiz, a depression toolkit, facts on symptoms, types of depression, treatments, and A to Z guide on depression. To get your free downloadable PDF guide go to: http://depressionhelpandinformation.com/

Robin Williams

I am now painfully aware that no matter how much balance I find within myself, that I am still in danger, that I need to be constantly vigilant, and that my struggle could gain strength at any moment.

Until our society aggressively, strongly addresses mental illness, until we move it from a side issue to a real issue, until we give it the same priority as other illnesses… I will still have that fear. I will still shake my head at what is often a death-by-disease that we call suicide.

And we will all still need to speak up.

The above quote is from the article Robin Williams Didn't Kill Himself.  It discusses how his mental illness is what killed him.  It's true.

I've attempted suicide.  I was in that place where I was hopeless, the disease was too much, and I simply could not fight anymore.  I also didn't want to fight anymore.  

I'm glad I wasn't successful...with any of my attempts.

There are still days that I want to die.  I want to give up and just not have to deal anymore.  But this is different.  I have no intention of doing anything to end my life.  I don't have any plans on how I could end my life.  I don't really want to die...I just want the pain and agony and depression to stop.  I want to know what it feels like to not battle it day in and day out All.  The.  Time.

But I never know what could happen.  Is there something that could trigger me into trying?  Could circumstances lead me to making plans? 

I am in constant danger.  I need to fight every moment of every day.  I need to reach out when I start drowning in the illness.  I need to be hyper-vigilant.

It's all I can do.  

The death of Robin Williams is terribly sad.  His battle with mental illness was known and many couldn't see how the funny, wealthy, adored man could be so troubled.  Mental illness, among numerous other diseases/illnesses, are invisible disabilities.  You generally cannot see that something is wrong.  And because you cannot be visually reminded that there is a real disease, it becomes even more difficult to understand.

I would guess he had good days and bad days.  Everyone does.  Mental illness can make the bad days even worse, the good days barely okay, or even flip it back and forth between the two extremes.

Mental illness is a real disease.  It needs to be treated as such.  It can be just as tragic and debilitating as any other disease.  It affects the person with the disease and it affects their families and friends.  I can impact each and every part of their life.

I'm doing my part and speaking up and speaking out. I have to.

Suicide prevention week/day 2013

The Bloggess wrote something last week that floored me because so much of it rang true.  You can read the entire post here, but this is what hit me...hard:

This week is Suicide Prevention Week.  I always appreciate that it comes in September because there’s something about September that wants to eat you.  I don’t know why.  I just know that depression lies and it lies the loudest and most convincingly in September.

She is so right.  There is something about Septermber that seems to just terrorize me.  I don't know what it is exactly but I do know there are some big triggers in the month.  Still...

The organization To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) is very near and dear to my heart.  This year during suicide prevention week, they asked people to share why they cannot be replaced.  It's such a beautiful way to look at a heavy subject that spins it in a very positive direction.  I participated.

Panic attack tools

Because my panic attacks seem to be returning, I wanted to share these tips that I found at the Healthy Place in the article "Ten Things To Do For A Panic Attack."

1. Have an exit plan. This is a must for me.  The better prepared I feel going into a situation, the better I tend to handle everything, even if a panic attack happens. 

2. Have someone you can count on ready to call. I'm lucky that I have several someones that I can count on.  It is nice knowing they are there and even better to be sure they will answer when you call.

3. Spend time with your pet. A personal favorite.

4. Have a tranquilizer with you. It is rare that I do not have several tablets of Ativan on me.  I have some in my purse and I have some in a key chain holder-type thing.  I also have a few stashed in a small baggie in my wallet. 

5. Interact with water. I love this one.  Water is very calming for me.  When possible, the full-submersion method is best but taking a sip of water also works.  The easiest way to interact with water is to wash your hands. 

6. Give yourself a massage or have your loved one give you one. While this helps, it is a bit more difficult to accomplish without drawing further attention to yourself. 

7. Forward bend. This doesn't work so well for me if I am standing.  If I'm sitting, it works a little better but not worth the effort.  Because I often feel hot when I'm having a panic attack, balling up only increases the heat and pushes the panic up several notches.

8. Stare at yourself in the mirror. Nope.  Nada.  If anything, it will escalate the attack.  Tend to also work into a shame spiral and the gremlins snag the opportunity to work their mischief in my brain,

9. Go for a walk. Another one that doesn't work for me.

10. Laugh. This one does work.  Besides getting in a better mood and focusing on something else, it's very difficult to panic while you are laughing.  It's the small things that make a big difference. 

Wonderful girl

Dear Perfectly Wonderful Girl,

Are you carrying an old or new burden around like a heavy bag of rocks, letting it drag you down and hold you back? Is it a belief about yourself or someone else? Is it a mistake you made? Is it something that someone else did to you than you cannot overcome?

It is time to stop shaming yourself. It is time to start treating yourself with the kind of love that you treat others with. It is time to overcome it.

You are not your past, and you are not your mistakes. You are not what others say you are and you are not your limitations, your weaknesses, or your frailties. You are not the horrible things that others have done to you. You are not you addictions or your family or your dress size or your tax return.

You are a priceless, authentic, light-filled soul. No one has ever been created just like you and no one ever will be. You are worth more than you will ever know.

It is time to see yourself this way, with unconditional love, kindness, and forgiveness. Today, let go of the shame. Let go of it. It is time.

You are loved loved loved.

xoxo

From the Brave Girls Club

The first step

Dear Brave Girl,

It starts with that first, really scary step, that step that we sometimes spend years avoiding and procrastinating, and that we often tell ourselves day after day that we will finally take 'tomorrow'.

What is so scary about that first step?

First, let's put it into perspective and what it really is. It's just a step, lovely. Just a step. You don't have to decide right now if you will take the next step after the first one.

Just commit to that first scary step. Put the silly fears out of your mind. It doesn't matter what others think about that first step. It doesn't matter if your first step is clumsy or looks ridiculous or if it doesn't get you as far as you thought it would.

It doesn't matter if you fall that first time. It doesn't matter.

You know you want to take that step or it wouldn't be burning it your heart the way it is, the way it has been for so long.

One thing is for sure. You can stop after you take that first step, or you can take another one, and then another. You get to choose.

Remember that without taking that first step, you will NEVER get to where you truly want to be because you will still be where you are NOW.

You can do it. Start today! You are so brave. And you are so loved.

xoxo

Thank you, Brave Girls Club.  Now if I could only actually get over the fears and take that first very, very, very scary step.

You are gonna make it

Some days, my daily email from the Brave Girls' Club simply makes me smile.  Sometimes it makes me cry with realization.  And other times, it just really hits home with whatever I am currently battling against at the moment.  This was a prime example of the latter.

Dear Amazing Girl,

It's perplexing how we can go along feeling perfectly wonderful all day long...even for weeks at a time, even for months....feeling like we are on track, doing the right things...feeling completely content, grateful and like our life is our own and we are living it exactly the way we are supposed to be individually living it...and then BAM! WHAM! SLAM!! ..... we get the wind knocked out of us.

What are some of the the things that stop us dead in our tracks and take our wind away? Comparing. Criticizing. Complaining. Doubting. Fearing. Imagining the worst. Letting other people get to us. Letting opinions get to us. Letting the ways of the world get to us.

Beautiful girl....remember that bumps in the road and bad days are completely normal...even when we are on track. Remember that things happen that could potential derail us, but that we have the power to not allow that to happen. Remember that WHENEVER we spend ANY time comparing our lives, or our selves, or our bodies, or our homes, or our jobs or our children to ANYONE else's life and everything that goes along with it...it never goes anywhere good. Remember that YOU ARE ONE IN 7 BILLION......incomparable, unforgettable and just right exactly as you are.

A great way to get all of the air back in your lungs and your feet moving in the right direction is simply to keep kindness and good thoughts in your heart...to be happy for others....to let go of worries...to let things go and live simply....to give and love and serve without expecting anything in return.....and to REMEMBER that bad days always turn around and there's a tomorrow after them that is brand new...and ready to be painted beautiful colors.

You are gonna make it. You ARE making it.

You are very very very loved.
xoxox

SEE the way things really are

Dear Beautiful Girl,

Most all of us have private little hurts that no one really knows about...things that we struggle with day after day...with a smile on our faces, doing our best to make the most of life, but with a tinge of pain that is almost always there. It is the human part of us.

Sometimes the hurts and the struggles are so big, so so big, and we do a really good job of covering them up and working through them, and inside we are weary and tired. Isn't this true, lovely friend? Sometimes we just want others to SEE so that we can stop making excuses for all of the things that we can not do.

The most important thing we can do, the most HEALING thing we can do is to recognize this pain in others, even when we have our own to deal with. Sometimes when someone seems grouchy, distant or irresponsible, it is because they are doing all that they can to hold everything together. Sometimes this is truer than true about our own selves.

We need to be kind, compassionate and patient with each other. We need to look past the way things may look on the outside and SEE the way things really are. We need to love each other in all of our frailness, in our weakness and in our "worst" moments....we need to do this for others, but we MOST OF ALL need to do this for ourselves.

You are doing enough. You are stronger and braver than you think you are. You are not alone in the way that you feel, each person beside you, in front of you and behind you is also working through something right now.

Be kind to YOU, be kind to others. We can do SO MUCH for each other.
xoxo

Thank you for the reminder, Brave Girls Club.  You always know what to say and when I most need to hear it.  

Unconditional joy

Dear Shanda, 

The minute you set a goal and then attach to the outcome - telling yourself you have failed if you don't achieve it - you give away your power to create unconditional joy in your life. You’re better off setting goals - and then releasing attachment to outcomes - trusting that some things just want to happen because they're for the highest good of all beings, and if those things are meant to manifest, they will. 

Yes, it’s good to have goals and dreams and visions and missions. But once you put your dreams out there, release them like butterflies so they can have their way with the world. 

You can never fully know what the Universe has in store for you. Sometimes you ask for a Pinto and the Universe is trying to give you a Rolls Royce. Yet if you fail to get the Pinto, you get disappointed. You feel like you failed. When really, the Rolls Royce is right around the corner. 

Can you set goals but release attachment to outcomes? Can you trust in The Way, instead of clinging to Your Way? Can you find joy even when things don't go as you hoped? 

Trust me. I’ll help. 

Illuminating the way, 
Your Inner Pilot Light

Do what you can

Now I just need to actually follow the advice as I know I should.  Thank you, again, Brave Girls Club.

Dear Soulful Girl,

All you can do is all you can do. There's really nothing more that you can do, so fretting over things that you don't have any more time, energy or resources to accomplish is only going to make things miserable when they don't have to be. It's time to slow down, sweet friend. It is ok.

When you have done all that you can, please let it be enough. This means, when you have done all that you can while also getting enough sleep, exercise and time to recharge...this doesn't mean getting all that you can done with 2 hours of sleep, a meal at a drive-through and running as fast as you can everywhere you go....feeling miserable, strung out and cranky.

Life is as crazy and harried as we allow it to be. When we want to make things special for those we love, we need to remember that what they want most is US. They want time with us. They want us to feel good and to be in a good mood and to be present. They want happy memories that include us. Sometimes this means that we must simplify so that we do not fall apart. Some times this means we need to let go of our idea of perfection and just show up AS IS.

So, please sit down with yourself and be realistic. What is necessary and what is not? What is making you crazy and could be let go of? What do you want MOST to give? Prioritize and let some things go...it is ok. YOU matter. YOU are the best gift you can give. YOUR time, your heart, your words, your presence....THAT is the greatest gift.

You are so loved.
xoxo

Silence the gremlin

Such perfect advice.  I need to be quiet and listen. But, mostly importantly, I need to ignore the gremlins.

My dear Shanda, 

Hello my sweet! 

I’m here today to remind you gently that to get healthy inside and out, you must, must, MUST learn to listen to my voice. 

You can eat all the healthy food you want. 

You can exercise your patooty off. 

You can swallow handfuls of vitamins. 

But unless you can silence the Gremlin enough to hear my voice of truth, you’ll never achieve the optimal health I know is possible for you. 

Try listening to me now. Ask me what is true for you about: 

· Your health
· Your intimate relationships
· Your professional life
· Your spiritual life
· Your creative life
· Your sex life
· Your financial picture
· The environment in which you live
· Your mental health? 

Now get quiet. Listen up. 

I have something important to tell you… 

Always on target, 
Your Inner Pilot Light

Blossoming girl

Dear Blossoming Girl,

Yes yes yes, it is frustrating to go backwards, or what feels like backwards. Yes, it is annoying and downright exhausting to find that in spite of our best efforts and plans, things are spinning, whirling, and making a wild ride out of our life.

Sometimes there just isn’t a better way to get to get to where we are going, than to go THROUGH a wild patch of dizzy making ups and downs. Sometimes we want to go around it, but often we really must go THROUGH it.

We learn really good things when we are stretched, pulled, whirled and twirled. We learn things about LIFE, but mostly we learn things about ourselves. We learn that we are pretty darned tough, pretty darned awesome and pretty darned smart.

And when we know that stuff, we know we can do anything.

And then we don’t have to be afraid. We can just live, and do good things and be happy and pull others up when they are down. And then, we realize it was all worth it.

It will be worth it.
You are so very very very loved.
xoxo

Brave Girls Club

Transform anxiety

As of right now, I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety.  I'm very aware of situations that tend to cause me to feel anxiety and even those that can result in a panic attack.  Because of this awareness, I can be proactive and mostly avoid the panic attacks.  It's a wonderful thing for me. 

I am always looking for other methods to keeping my anxiety at bay.  In this article at Tiny Buddha, I found three tips to help in the moment.  I haven't had the opportunity - YAY - to but them to the test, but wanted to post them anyway.

If you find yourself fraught with anxiety, feeling fearful about the future, you will attract your worst fears. When anxiety tries to bring us down, there are 3 things we can do:

1. Take a moment and see what feelings underlie your fears.

Then see if you can figure out how you’d rather feel and choose to feel that feeling instead. If you are having a hard time lifting your mood, get busy doing something you enjoy that will raise your positive vibration.

It’s easy to raise our vibration. Engaging in our hobbies is a great way to bump our vibes up a few notches, and it can be anything really—playing sports, cooking, baking, gardening, playing music, cleaning, exercising, meditating, practicing yoga, singing, dancing, crafting, building, organizing, or snuggling with your pet.

When we keep ourselves elevated, it’s really hard for anxiety to find us, helping to keep negative experiences at bay.

2. Instead of gripping at fear and worrying about whether or not something will work out, just know that it will.

This is what it means to have faith. Just know that no matter what the outcome, you will be okay, and if it is in your highest interest to have what you want, you will have it.

3. And last, ask the universe for what you want and then let go of the outcome.

Instead of focusing on what you want, focus on how you can be of service. When we are serving others, we are tapping into more of that feel-good energy, which will bring us more feel-good experiences.

Show up each day ready to serve the world, your family, your environment, and yourself. Focus on how you can add value to the lives of others. Good experiences will come to you.

Once we realize the root of anxiety, it is easier for us to transform it into positivity. I wish you all a blissful day!

Let the worries go

Often, I share the words from the Brave Girls Club.  They take such a fresh and inspirational look on common fears and insecurities.  I always feel a bit better after reading my email from them.  

Dear Phenomenal Girl,

It is normal to feel worried about the future, but with that in mind, please remember that while it is normal for those thoughts to cross your mind, there is absolutely nothing good that can come from dwelling on your negative or scary worries about the future.

Do what you can do today, and then let it be done. When you wake up in the morning, greet the day with a smile and decide to do all that you can do in that day, and let that be enough. Because, you know what? You can’t do anything more than ALL you can do, and to worry about anything beyond that will only bring you misery and frustration.

Remember that there was a time that you worried that you wouldn’t make it through the next day, and you always did -- you are here aren’t you? Wouldn’t it be oh-so-much more wonderful to live each day to it’s fullest, doing your very best, and then let it go? Everything will work out in the way it should -- and all we can do is all we can do, and we CAN do it with a smile, with a spring in our step, and with hope in the future if we choose to do so.

Let the worries go. It is gonna work out, beautiful friend.

xoxo

It's not selfish

My dear Shanda,

Don’t you understand that loving yourself is not selfish or narcissistic, that in order to love others, you have to start by wholly loving and accepting yourself, complete with all your adorable warts?

That means you have to love your imperfections. You have to love your ego. You have to love the wounded inner child in you that acts out sometimes. You have to love the scared Gremlin that tries in vain to protect you.

And of course, you have to love me.

But that’s the easy part, isn’t it? Because I’m SO easy to love!

So are you, precious

Your Inner Pilot Light

Seven depression fighting tips

This list was compiled by the author of the blog Anxiety Adventures.  Each item on the list is something that makes total sense but we often forget or neglect them when we are deep in our depression. 

1. Open the Windows

2. Clean Your Living Space

3. Clean Yourself

4. Change your clothes

5. Turn on Lights

6. Prepare Food and Eat it

7. Sit/Lay Somewhere Different 

These are basic, simple things.  You can usually manage to do at least one of the things on the list.  Being able to do any one little thing can help when you are dealing with depression.  It switches up your brain pattern and gives you a sense of pride. 

Best and worst things to say

I found this list a few days ago.  I've read through most of it.  I have mixed thoughts about the list, feeling some are absolutely dead on while many others are so far off that I cringed.  For the most part, the best things to say list was accurate.  The intro to the best things to say section nailed it for me:

It is most tempting, when you find out someone is depressed, to attempt to immediately fix the problem. However, until the depressed person has given you permission to be their therapist (as a friend or professional), the following responses are more likely to help the depressed.

The things that didn't make me feel worse are words which 1) acknowledge my depression for what it is (Not 'it's just a phase') 2) give me permission to feel depressed (Not 'but why should you be sad?')

The worst section was prefaced with this:

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.

If you share you life with someone with depression, read through the lists.  Maybe you've said some of the worst things to say and maybe you haven't.  It doesn't matter now.  Going forward, be mindful of your thinking and your words. 

If you don't know anyone with depression, you probably will at some point in your life.  The list is good for everyone to read so give it a shot.

Still in there

I do love my daily emails from the Brave Girls Club.  

Dear Brave Girl,

You are still in there, every single bit of you. You might feel like you don't know who you are anymore, that your identity has been lost, that you are living a life that you can't even recognize or that your hopes and dreams have been sucked away but some crazy whirlwind, whether it happened quickly or very very slowly.

Your soul is in there. Your heart is in there. Your hopes and dreams and good memories and that happy, fun, adventurous YOU is in there . . .it is!

You just gotta get unstuck, and you can. You really can. The first thing you must do is put faith in that hope that you are still in there. Then listen to that hope. Talk to it. Ask it where it has been and what it needs to come back out. Then keep listening and take action.

It's not too late. It's never, ever too late, and right now seems like the EXACT right time to begin the process of restoring your authentic self back to her true form. You can do it. Don't let the world miss out on you anymore, gorgeous girl. We need you. YOU need you!

You can do it. You are so loved.

xoxo

Gremlins

Dear Shanda,

Did you know that when you're brave enough to turn away from the Gremlin and listen to me instead, you calm down the scaredy-cat amygdala in your brain, and your nervous system relaxes. The Nervous Nelly chronic "fight-or-flight" stress responses in your body turn off, and the relaxation response flips blessedly on.

And here's the kicker. The body knows how to heal itself. Your body is artfully and divinely equipped with natural self-repair mechanisms that repair broken proteins, fight cancer cells, prevent aging, and resist infection. But when the Gremlin is in charge and your nervous system is stressed, these self-repair mechanisms are disabled.

Only when you listen to me can your body's self-repair mechanisms activate.

So listen up, darling. I'm not just good for your soul. I'm medicine for your body.

Doctor's bag in hand,
Your Inner Pilot Light, MD 

Thank you Lissa Rankin and The Inner Pilot Light.