Pretending to be fine

When You’re Pretending to Be Fine: 9 Tips to Deal and Heal
By Chris Lappin

“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I never thought I’d want to kill myself.

All my life, I’d been a strong, independent woman, building a business from home, raising two wonderful sons, and staying happy and positive throughout.

If you’d told me I’d one day consider taking my own life, I’d have laughed and said, “You’ve got me confused with someone else!”

But after twenty years and two sons together, my husband and I decided to split up.

So what? Separation and divorce are commonplace. You just cope with it like everyone else. I was strong, so not coping would mean I was weak.

But it hurt and hurt and hurt. And eventually I just wanted to stop. I couldn’t put my boys through that, but I couldn’t see another way out. So, while pretending to everyone that I was fine, I thought about it. Seriously.

What Do You Pretend?

Coping with everything life throws at you is tough.

Juggling all your different roles, trying to be all things to all people, and “shoehorning” so much into every day.

You and your needs aren’t even worth a mention on your very long to-do list.

You feel guilty and inadequate and worry that someday all those plates you’re spinning will come crashing down. You’re an amazing “somebody” who often feels like an invisible and overwhelmed “nobody.” Feeling lost and alone, living in silent despair.

Not always much fun being a grown-up, is it?

You’re not alone, you know.

From the outside, others seem to be holding it all together. Just like you. Just like me.

Have you thought that perhaps sometimes they’re not coping either? That maybe, just like you, they’re not perfect?

Pretending to cope comes at a price.

I’d also fallen out of love with my first home-based business, so my marriage to my best friend was over, and my future was gone.

Our joint, shameful debt took me months to resolve, was a debilitating hell, and meant we had to live a lie under the same roof for eight months, sharing our bed in cold silence for the first four as we pretended to our young teenage sons that all was normal.

I felt sick when I awoke to the conversation we’d been dreading: telling the boys that Mom and Dad were splitting up. A parent’s supposed to make things better, not worse. As I tore their world apart, it broke my heart.

When we did separate, my expenses escalated while my income sank. And when my boys went to stay at their father’s, nothing could stop the overwhelming loneliness from driving me into the ground. So I put my head down and worked. It kept me sane a little longer.

Something had died, but instead of grieving, I pretended I was coping.

My even busier life was now a nightmare, yet I was barely functioning and I didn’t recognize myself anymore: lethargic, hollow, lost, ashamed, and desperately lonely. Feeling weak and pathetic because I couldn’t cope on my own without a man around. A failure.

I started to unravel.

I wanted to run away rather than face the misery ahead, so I escaped to bed to shorten the days. Cooking for one underlined my loneliness, so I didn’t bother, and for a while I comforted myself with alcohol, as the health implications were no longer important.

And that’s when I thought of making it all stop. To stop feeling miserably unhappy. To stop crying every day. I wasn’t miserable when I slept, so why not just keep sleeping? It made perfect sense.

But the damage to my boys forced me to keep my comforting escape route a secret.

Then came the anxiety attacks, and twelve months after our painful decision, I was diagnosed with a stress-related facial skin disease and depression.

When all seems lost, there’s still a way forward.

If you are, or feel you might be, depressed, take comfort and pride from Dr. Tim Cantopher’s words from his book Depressive Illness: The Curse of The Strong:

“You are wrong in thinking you are weak and should be ashamed of having this illness, you have got it because you are strong … a weak, cynical or lazy person faced with difficulties will quickly give up, so would never get depressed enough to become ill.”

I can’t solve your issues here, but if you’re struggling and pretending, I’d like to help you take that all-important first step so you can start to look after you.
 
1. Be honest.

Pretend and, at some point, the problem and the pain will surface ten-fold. If you’re not coping, admit to yourself that you’re not. This shows great strength.
 
2. Ask for help.

This isn’t a sign of weakness. Are others weak for coming to you for help? Why should you be different? Tell those who care about you that you’re not coping. Don’t struggle in silence.
 
3. Talk openly.

When you‘ve asked for help, share your feelings with someone you know and love who will listen without judgement or advice, or with a trained counselor.

Talking about how you feel and having someone listen can feel self-indulgent at first, but it’s a huge part of the healing process.
 
4. Learn to say no more often.

Maybe saying yes to everything and everyone makes you feel superhuman. But superheroes are works of fiction, and you don’t possess special powers.

When you’re saying yes to everything, who and what are you saying no to?

Try to do less things better rather than taking on so much that you beat yourself up for what you don’t achieve.
 
5. Rejoice and reward yourself for your achievements.

If you berate yourself for what you get wrong, then surely you have to take responsibility and take credit when you do something well.
 
6. Accept that perfection is impossible.

In a world of self-help and personal development, we’re bombarded with advice about always being positive and successful, and striving to be the best.

Strive to be the best that you can be, and be a realist. Just like me, you’re imperfect, you’re weak sometimes, you make mistakes, and you’re a work in progress.

Strive to be happy. Accept your weaknesses and you’ll be stronger for it.
 
7. Make time for you.

You fulfill many roles: parent, partner, businessperson, child, sibling, friend. Don’t lose sight of your needs and being you.

Give yourself permission to take time out for you and put you back on your to-do list. You’ll be more effective and happier in your other roles.
 
8. Start putting yourself first.

It’s not selfish. You’re important and you deserve better. So once you’re back on that list, work on moving yourself further up.

To look after others, you first have to look after yourself. The in-flight emergency procedure tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you help others with theirs.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others.

I’d wager that most people feel inadequate and overwhelmed.

Just as others have no idea what’s going on in your life, you have no idea what’s really going on in theirs, so it serves no positive purpose to compare yourself and worry about what others are doing. You’re unique. You can only be you. Chances are they’re probably comparing themselves to you!

Moving Forward

Over time the medication helped lighten my mood, and I could look a little beyond my despair. If I was going to keep living, I didn’t want to spend it wishing I were dead. The counseling gave me time and space to stop pretending, talk honestly, and grieve.

While still battling depression, I’m now cooking healthy meals again and laughing far more than I have in years. I’ve enrolled at a gym and am taking time for me. I’ve qualified as a Life Coach and set up a blog and online business.

I’m still here to love and look after my boys.

I’ve learned to stop comparing myself to others who I don’t even know, and that’s it’s okay—no, it’s necessary—to express rather than bury my feelings, to admit when I’m not coping, and to embrace my weaknesses.

Every day, the baby steps I’m taking for me, just me, add up. I’m miles away from where I was.

You can move ahead too.

You’re not weak for wanting to run away. You’re strong for having the guts to admit it.

Decide to stop the unhealthy pretenses. Be proud of who you are and what you achieve each day. Set time aside for you. Everything and everyone else can wait a while.

Transform anxiety

As of right now, I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety.  I'm very aware of situations that tend to cause me to feel anxiety and even those that can result in a panic attack.  Because of this awareness, I can be proactive and mostly avoid the panic attacks.  It's a wonderful thing for me. 

I am always looking for other methods to keeping my anxiety at bay.  In this article at Tiny Buddha, I found three tips to help in the moment.  I haven't had the opportunity - YAY - to but them to the test, but wanted to post them anyway.

If you find yourself fraught with anxiety, feeling fearful about the future, you will attract your worst fears. When anxiety tries to bring us down, there are 3 things we can do:

1. Take a moment and see what feelings underlie your fears.

Then see if you can figure out how you’d rather feel and choose to feel that feeling instead. If you are having a hard time lifting your mood, get busy doing something you enjoy that will raise your positive vibration.

It’s easy to raise our vibration. Engaging in our hobbies is a great way to bump our vibes up a few notches, and it can be anything really—playing sports, cooking, baking, gardening, playing music, cleaning, exercising, meditating, practicing yoga, singing, dancing, crafting, building, organizing, or snuggling with your pet.

When we keep ourselves elevated, it’s really hard for anxiety to find us, helping to keep negative experiences at bay.

2. Instead of gripping at fear and worrying about whether or not something will work out, just know that it will.

This is what it means to have faith. Just know that no matter what the outcome, you will be okay, and if it is in your highest interest to have what you want, you will have it.

3. And last, ask the universe for what you want and then let go of the outcome.

Instead of focusing on what you want, focus on how you can be of service. When we are serving others, we are tapping into more of that feel-good energy, which will bring us more feel-good experiences.

Show up each day ready to serve the world, your family, your environment, and yourself. Focus on how you can add value to the lives of others. Good experiences will come to you.

Once we realize the root of anxiety, it is easier for us to transform it into positivity. I wish you all a blissful day!

Get back up after you fall

Good advice, as usual, from Tiny Buddha.  Much is very familiar to me and I do my best to employ these techniques but a reminder is always good.

Getting Back up After You Fall:  Healing From Depression by Elena Sabourova

“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” ~Theodore Rubin

Growing up I was a thoughtful and happy kid—carefree, easy going, not afraid to make mistakes and take on challenges.

Just before I turned 13, my parents moved our family halfway across the world where we knew no one.

I adjusted well, made friends, and felt content and successful in my pursuit of whatever I decided was worth pursuing. I was strong and confident. I worked hard, laughed easily and often, and felt as if I had the good life all figured out.

Then shortly after I turned 25 a severe depressive episode hit me like a ton of bricks. Looking back, I can see how it came about, how several traumatic events stacked upon themselves until I finally collapsed under their weight, but at the time I felt annihilated, ploughed over, and destroyed virtually overnight.

I spent the next nine months steeped in profound physical, emotional, and mental anguish.

The shame was the worst part.

Despite years of evidence to the contrary, when I couldn’t get myself off the couch for months, when I couldn’t enjoy any activity, and when I couldn’t smile genuinely at anyone or anything, I truly thought that this was my actual self, my real personality—that I was boring, unmotivated, useless, a loser, an anomaly; that I was weak, and that all of this was my fault.

Essentially, depression lies to you—about everything. And when you are used to trusting your thoughts and being self assured and confident, it takes a long time to realize that the torrent of negativity in your brain may not be an accurate representation of reality.

It’s hard not to trust your thoughts and it’s hard to sit and mull over what is true and what isn’t, but it’s an important exercise, even you only do it in small doses at first.

There is a light in you that never goes out.

Even through the worst of it, there was a tiny sliver of me that knew that something was wrong, that I needed to deal with this, that this was unhealthy and that this wasn’t me.

And that minuscule grain of clarity is what kept me up researching what I was going through, hatching plans, seeking advice, and gaining traction. I had to nourish that voice bit by bit, and I went days without hearing it, but it was always there.

Controlling my environment was essential to making progress. Below are the five most prominent lessons I have learned thus far:

1. Accept what is happening.

Acceptance is not surrender; it is simply the opposite of refusal. It is true that admitting you have a problem is the first step in making a change. The energy you expend violently opposing the possibility that you are depressed is energy better spent seeking a solution to that possibility.

Acceptance is difficult, especially in a world where depression is still a dirty word. But it is crucial.

2. Disengage from those who make you feel worse.

While no one can fix your struggle for you, those that can’t be helpful are likely to be hurtful. When I was in the thick of my rock bottom, I was in a relationship with a person who could not and would not understand me. When that relationship ended, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders—the weight of his anxiety, the weight of his expectations and anticipation.

The break up was painful, but the benefit of having him out of my life could not be denied. I felt lighter; I felt like I could take things at my own pace without someone hovering around, waiting for me to return to my absolutely most awesome self. And having the space to do things on my own timeline has made doing them so much easier.

3. Talk to your people.

For most of my life I took pride in doing things myself, and while I never had a problem offering help, I had trouble asking for it.

When I finally mustered up the courage to start talking about what I was going though, I couldn’t stop. And I was surprised at the reception all that talking got.

My friends and family didn’t tell me to shut up and get over it; they didn’t scold me for burdening them with my problems. They listened patiently, encouraged me to get it all out, and a brave few even shared similar struggles with me.

It was so freeing, so loving. And it made it easier to see that my experience was just another life challenge, not some deeply-seated, irreversible character flaw. I cannot emphasize enough the value of having blisteringly honest conversations with those you trust. They are medicine for the soul.

4. Know when to get professional help and don’t be afraid to do it.

My attitude toward therapy used to be “That’s nice, but it’s not for me.”

It took awhile to realize that this was nothing but fear of the unknown steeped in judgment—judgment that therapy was for the weak, and that being weak was unacceptable; fear of what was out there, what was possible.

Long before I dipped my toes into the professional counselling pool myself, I came to see that speaking to someone about your darkest troubles is courage exemplified.

Many people never get to that point of cognition and spend years going around in the vortex of their own mind, trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with them. Sometimes it takes a professional to bust through that wall—so what?

We don’t think twice of seeing a family doctor for a sore throat or a physiotherapist for an aching ankle. Don’t spend too much time agonizing about the fact that you might need to see a therapist. Just do it, trust me.

5. Treat your body well.

I hated this piece of advice when I came across it on a daily basis in my quest to dig myself out of my mental hellhole. But the reason it’s out there so much is because it’s a fundamental must.

A malnourished body cannot power your mind well. Will running cure your depression? Doubtful. But exercising and eating well is like proper car maintenance. You can get away with not doing it for a while, but soon enough the consequences of prolonged neglect will catch up with you.

And you don’t have to turn into a gym rat overnight. In fact, I encourage you to take the smallest baby steps you can muster.

I went through many rounds of different workouts, different meal plans, different vitamins and I do not count any of that effort as time wasted. They were all building blocks, trials and errors to get me to a place where I can feed myself well and exercise on a consistent enough schedule without much effort.

Time is not running out; take as much of it as you need to get yourself to this point. It’s a process.

Lastly, as impossible as it may seem, know that such turbulence in life does eventually lead to a greater appreciation and understanding of things. Money couldn’t buy the emotional depth I’ve gained over the last year, and if I had the option of wiping all I went through from my memory, I wouldn’t.

I know what it’s like to be in the thick of things. I know it’s almost indescribable. It’s abstract and painful and heavy, and every other adjective in existence. But you must know that you will get through it. Chipping away, bit-by-bit, inching forward at a pace that’s fast enough for you, you’ll figure it out.

10 tips

This article appeared on the blog Tiny Buddha.  They are ten tips to help relieve depression and heartache.  It's a nice list so I wanted to share it.  This is only part of the article so if you want to read the entire thing, go here.

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Von Goethe

The 10 “T”s to help relieve depression and heartache:

1. Trust yourself and the universe.
2. Touch other people’s lives by sharing your personal story.
3. Therapy sessions are like taking an inner journey.
4. Treat yourself (and others) with respect and compassion.
5. Tear down those walls that you have built up saying that you are not good enough.
6. Thank the universe or your higher power for keeping you healthy, safe, and alive.
7. Tea and other hot drinks (not coffee) are calming.
8. Trying new things is fun.
9. Traveling can be therapeutic, relaxing, and stimulating.
10. Taking risks and chances is crucial to find a sense of purpose.

Maintaining a healthy relationship while depressed

From the post "How to maintain a healthy relationship when you're depressed."

So how do you honor yourself when you’re depressed and give yourself the love and kindness you need without blowing up an otherwise loving relationship?   

1. Don’t believe everything your mind says. -- Your mind’s always telling you things that aren’t true, and this applies even more so when you’re depressed. The more you can differentiate between you and your mind, the easier this gets. See if you can step back and think, “Ah, look at what I’m thinking now.”

2. Don’t make assumptions. -- Watch out for assumptions your mind is making. Look at what you’re mad about. Did they actually say that, or are you drawing conclusions yourself?  Chances are you’re just seeing a reflection of your own thoughts. And anyway, if anything your mind is telling you is real, it’ll still be there when you’re not feelings so flat, by which time any conversation you do have will be infinitely easier and more productive.

3. Connect with your loved one over the bigger picture. -- Try sharing the bigger picture of how you’re feeling (“Honey I think I might be depressed”), rather than voicing your criticism of them. If there really is something bothering you, it’ll still be there when your depressed feelings have passed; and I promise you, it’ll be a whole lot easier to talk about it then!
 
4. Know that your mind is very convincing. -- Your mind may think it is absolutely imperative that you bring up the issue. And you know what? You might still decide to. It’s your call. If you do find yourself in a discussion that you later regret, don’t worry about it; it’s all okay. It might be helpful to show this article to your partner.
 
5. This time will pass. -- And even though you can’t feel it right now, you have all the calm and peaceful loving feelings inside of you.

While the entire post didn't gel with me, I did like the five tips it listed in closing (those above).  I know when I'm experiencing a depressive episode, much of the above information is pertinent.  I do overreact and assume.  I get bitchy and have virtually zero patience.  

20 Thoughts to help relieve anxiety and depression

1. In order to have good things, there must be bad things.
2. You’ll never be perfect—just like everyone else.
3. People are mean or angry or sad because they need to be at that time.
4. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.
5. You can’t control everything and everyone.
6. Money and wealth are not the same.
7. You’re exactly where you are right now because that’s where you need to be.
8. You don’t want or need to know the future.
9. No one will remember the little flub you made in the office or at home earlier.
10. Life doesn’t assault you or throw curve balls at you; you get what you give.
11. If you don’t like someone or they don’t like you it’s because you each see yourself in them.
12. Right now, at this instant, you have everything you need to be happy: Air in your lungs, blood in your veins, and lips to smile with.
13. When things break and need mending, it gives us something to do.
14. Everyone makes mistakes.
15. Success has no standard definition.
16. Life is very simple.
17. You don’t need something to be happy. You need someone—and that someone is you.
18. Just like you look up to someone, someone out there looks up to you. Act accordingly.
19. There’s a lesson hidden in everything.
20. Other people have had your problems before and managed to overcome them. You can too.

The above thoughts are from the blog post of the same name at Tiny Buddha.

3 things panic attacks don't want you to know.

Thank you, Tiny Buddha.

... If we think of a panic attack as a villain who steals away pieces of our soul, these are the three techniques that he wouldn’t want us to know about.

1. Acceptance

One of the most powerful things that you can do in the midst of a panic attack is to accept it. I know that seems to go against all rational thought.

Don’t I want the panic attack to go away? Sure I do. But noticing the panic and accepting that it’s visiting me is the first step. Realizing that I’m having a panic attack instead of being lost in the dream of panic creates some space to work with it.

One way to work with it is to lie down on the floor and feel the anxiety and panic flowing through the body. Accept that it’s there. Feel it completely.

I notice my chest feeling tight and my heart pounding, notice the sweating or feeling of being light-headed or dizzy. I let the anxiety develop completely, inviting it to overcome me like a wave of uncomfortableness.

Yes, it can get pretty nasty. But usually at the point when I feel like my whole being is going to explode from so much anxiety, something almost unimaginable happens: a release.

The panic begins to fade, moving away from me like the tide slowly going back out to sea. I’m left a little tired, a little drained, but also relieved.

It’s important to know that a panic attack won’t last.

Nothing lasts forever—not pleasant things, not unpleasant things, not panic attacks.

It’s not necessary to lie on the floor.

Sometimes I find myself in certain social situations where being stretched out on the floor would look just plain nutty. This technique works just as well sitting in my truck, behind a desk, or hiding in a bathroom stall. We do what we must.
 

2. Breathing

A lot of people say to take deep breaths when you’re having a panic attack. I think this is sound advice, but I like to put a slightly different spin on it.

Take a walk.

That’s right. Go walking.

Walking is awesome because it gets the blood flowing, the heart pumping, and if it’s a brisk walk, it forces you to breathe more deeply.

Sometimes I feel like my anxieties and fears are chasing me, but I’m walking away from them. Other times, I just feeling like I’m burning off some built-up energy that has nowhere to go.

Running would probably also be helpful, but I will only run in the event of The Zombie Apocalypse.
 
3. Naming

Another really effective technique that I practice is to name the feelings and thoughts as I’m having a panic attack. I learned this technique from listening to Tara Brach’s podcasts on iTunes. It’s super effective and very simple to learn. (*Note: Tara Brach’s podcasts are free on iTunes.)

In the midst of the panic attack, I focus on any feelings or thoughts that are arising and name them either out loud or silently to myself. I sometimes even grab a notebook and write them. For instance:
I feel tightness in my chest

I feel my racing heartbeat.

My mouth is dry, my head aches, and I’m a little dizzy.

I feel like I’m going to fall off of a cliff.

I’m feeling bad about feeling bad because this anxiety destroys relationships.

I feel like no one is ever going to love me again.

My jaw is clenching.

There’s a knot in my stomach.

I feel like a loser.

I feel like I don’t belong here.

I feel like I suck.

I’m afraid I’m going to fail.

I hear a pounding in my ears.

I feel unqualified, unworthy, unnecessary.

Once again, it’s helpful to remind myself that this is a panic attack, that it will pass, but it needs to be allowed to.

I remind myself that this awful time in my life will pass like all the others. How do I know this? If I look back over the course of my life, I can see it.

I’ve had some great times. They’ve passed. I’ve had some awful times. They’ve passed, too. I can see that everything before this has passed.

This also will pass. It has to.

These simple techniques can work, but you have to put them into practice.

It’s like learning to play a musical instrument or a sport; the more you practice, the better you get at it. If one of the techniques isn’t working, I switch to another one.

I believe that, in the moment, we always pick the right one.

Could this work?

For the most part, I enjoy my email subscription with Tiny Buddha.  When I got the post titled "Understanding and Lifting Depression: 5 Healthy Attitudes," I was eager to read it.  And I did. 

In the beginning, I found myself nodding my head in agreement.  But then, I found that I was getting bit angry.  This is what caused me to get angry:

But after a year things started to change—and I don’t remember why I started doing this; maybe I read it somewhere—but I stopped taking antidepressants, and whenever a “flat” period would come I’d watch it with as much distance as I could summon.

I started to notice that if I just let the “flatness” be and stopped worrying about it, my perception about something would shift, and as it did, the depression would lift.

The more times this happened the more I began to trust that it was going to happen. And always, there standing on the other side of the flatness, was an understanding that made my life richer, less stressful, and more pleasant, well worth the ticket of entry.

Hmph.  The thoughts rolling through my head ranged from disgust: "Oh, if it was only that easy" to questioning: "Just who are you?" to an emotion somewhere between jealousy and resentment: "Why did that work for you?"

Could getting past a depressive episode be that simple?  Is it all just a mindset?

My answer is no.  At least, it was no for me.

I tried this but I stayed on my medication because I have vowed as much to myself.  I tried just letting it be.  I tried to just learn from the depression.  I tried to take a step back and watch it with detachment.  I didn't worry about it.  I didn't obsess or over-analyze it.

And it didn't work.

I'm not saying that this doesn't work.  It didn't work for me at the time.  Perhaps it can work for me in the future.  Maybe it will work for someone else.  I'm all about trying to find the best and least invasive method to live with my mental illness.  I would love to be drug-free.  I would adore finding a simple method.

Someday I might find that.  And that is exactly why I keep blogging, and reading information from others about their struggles and achievements.  There is a strong chance that I will never find the right combo of methods that allow me to be free of my depression and anxiety.  But I will keep trying.

There were a lot of great things in the email.  I really loved these two statements that described depression:

• "When you’re depressed, your perception of pretty much everything changes."
• "And if that’s not enough, the world seems more abrasive—as if someone’s turned up the volume and taken off your sunglasses." 

The five helpful attitudes also vibed with me.

If you’re going through a depressed period, it may help to adopt these attitudes:
Non-Judging. It is what it is, and it will pass, so there’s no point in judging it.
Live Kindly. Eat well, exercise where you can, and continue to live. Be gentle with yourself.  It can sometimes be helpful to talk to someone.
Mind your Mind. Try and stand back from your mind and know that much of what your mind is telling you is incorrect. Know that your mind is operating alone while you heart takes a little rest—which is why you feel so bad and why you can’t feel as much love for yourself or others.
Silence. Add a little “down time” to your life. Instead of watching TV or trawling Facebook, take some time out and try just sitting. The thing you’re looking for is not outside of you, but within you. Meditation can be helpful too.
Be Safe. Often depression comes with morbid thoughts. Monitor these. They’re just thoughts, and they will pass as the flatness lifts, but at any stage if you feel unsafe, ask someone for help.

How to improve your mood

I know I've referenced the website Tiny Buddha a few times in the past.  It's a great website/blog with a lot of good information.  The article "30 ways to improve your mood when you're feeling down" arrived in my inbox and I loved it.  Here are the tips:

1. Step back and self-reflect. Whenever I start feeling depressed, I try to stop, reflect, and get to the root of my feelings.  

2. Reach out to someone. I used to bottle up my feelings out of fear that I would be judged if I talked about them. I’ve since learned that reaching out to a loving, understanding person is one of the best things I can do.    

3. Listen to music. Music can heal, put you in a better mood, make you feel less alone, or take you on a mental journey.   

4. Cuddle or play with pets. I have really sweet and happy dogs that are always quick to shower me with love whenever they see me. Spending quality time with a loving pet can instantly make your heart and soul feel better.  

5. Go for a walk. Walking always helps me clear my head and shed negative energy. It’s especially therapeutic if you choose to walk at a scenic location.  

6. Drink something healthy and reinvigorating. For some reason, orange juice always puts me in a better mood and makes me feel revitalized and serene. There are many health and mood benefits of drinking orange juice and other fruit juices.    

7. Write. Writing is usually the first thing I do when I’m feeling down. It always helps me get my thoughts and feelings out in front of me.    

8. Take a nap. Sometimes we just need to recharge. I always feel better after getting some rest.   

9. Plan a fun activity. Moping around never helps me feel any better, so it usually helps to plan something fun to do if I’m feeling up to it. It can be something as simple as creating my own vision board or something as big as planning a trip.     

10. Do something spontaneous. Some of my favorite memories entail choices I made spontaneously. We should all learn to let go of routine every now and then and do something exciting and unplanned.      

11. Prioritize. Sometimes I feel depressed when my priorities are out of balance. I try to make sure I’m giving a fair amount of attention to all the priorities in my life, such as work, relationships, health, and personal happiness.

12. Look through old photographs or snap some new ones. Sorting through old memories or capturing new ones usually puts a smile on my face.   

13. Hug someone. I am definitely a hugger. Hugs are such an easy way to express love and care without having to say a word.  

14. Laugh. Watch a funny movie or spend time with someone who has a good sense of humor. Laughing releases tension and has a natural ability to heal.  

15. Cry. I don’t like crying in front of people, but whenever I have an opportunity to slink away and cry by myself, I always feel better afterwards. Crying releases pain.  

16. Read back over old emails or text messages, or listen to old voicemails. Whenever I feel dejected or bad about myself, I like to read kind emails and comments from my blog readers or listen to cute voicemails from my grandmother. Doing so reminds me that I’m loved, thought about, and appreciated.  

17. Reconnect with someone. Get back in touch with an old friend or a family member that you haven’t spoken to in awhile. Reconnecting with people almost always puts me in a good mood and fills my heart up with love.   

18. Write yourself a letter. I try to separate myself from my ego and give myself a pep talk every now and then. Cicero said, “Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.”  

19. Try a deep breathing exercise. There are all kinds of deep breathing exercises out there. Find one you like and do it whenever you’re feeling stressed or overly emotional.  

20. Cultivate gratitude. Practicing genuine gratitude on a daily basis has been a major source of healing in my life. When I step back and notice everything I have to be grateful for, it makes me feel like I have everything I need and that nothing is lacking. It makes me feel whole.   

21. Re-watch a funny or inspiring YouTube video. I recommend Webcam 101 for Seniors. That video cheers me up every time. There are so many funny and inspiring videos online.    

22. Bake something. Baking has always been therapeutic and entertaining for me. Plus, I can eat whatever I baked and share it with others afterward.  

23. Get out of the house. I work from home, so a large majority of my time is spent indoors, planted in front of my laptop. I have to make a point to get out every now and then, whether it’s to get some fresh air or go out to eat with a friend.    

24. Focus on what truly matters to you. Sometimes I forget what matters to me and what isn’t that important. Some things just aren’t worth getting too upset over.  

25. Take a negative comment or situation and look for something positive about it. If someone says something negative to me or I get stuck in an unpleasant situation, sometimes it helps to look at it from a different angle. Perspective is everything.  

26. Daydream. Take a mental vacation. Let your mind wander for a while.   

27. Let some natural sunlight come in. Opening all the blinds and curtains and letting natural sunlight flood your home can help elevate your mood.   

28. Take a mental health day. Sometimes we just need to take a day to clear our heads and nurture our souls. My mental health has a history of being a bit erratic, so nurturing it is a priority in my life.  

29. Let go. This is a very simple mantra of mine. I usually say it to myself multiple times each day, which has been very liberating and empowering.    

30. Read Tiny Buddha. And of course, you can always read Tiny Buddha! I personally love the quotes section. There is a category for almost every universal theme or emotion.

Good advice

I'm all about promoting other people, especially when what they say/write totally resonates with me and with what I'm experiencing.  This post from Tiny Buddha called "Uplifting Depression: 15 Unexpected Lessons from Adversity" was one such thing.  In a way, I'm following the lead of this post by blogging through my experiences with depression.

My favorite part of the entry is about the unexpected lessons you can learn from something less than pleasant.  I'm not really in the place to start such a list right now, but I think it is a fantastic idea for the future.  Not only will this list help me reflect on how much I was actually able to learn and gain from this struggle but perhaps it will aid someone else who may stumble upon my blog.

Here are the 15 unexpected lessons:

1. Don’t ignore warning signals in your body. Frequent petty colds, stomach aches, and headaches may all be a sign of stress. 
2. There is no need to be strong all the time, and even less of a need to maintain an image of strength in front of others. 
3. Achievements and titles mean nothing if they’re not something you’re passionate about. 
4. Creativity is therapeutic, and it’s in everyone, just sometimes suppressed. 
5. We need to matter the most to ourselves—over any job promotion, meeting, excel spreadsheet. 
6. Not replying to emails immediately is not the end of the world. 
7. We all need spare time for ourselves—time for solitude and reflection. 
8. It doesn’t matter what everybody else thinks, if we know in our hearts something isn’t right. 
9. Most petty worries aren’t serious. So save some energy. 
10. Everything will be okay in time.
11. Health is the most important thing in the world. 
12. Sometimes it’s best to stop doing so many things, and instead spend more time enjoying what we have. 
13. There is no point in being afraid of the uncertainty because it doesn’t change that the future is uncertain. Leap. 
14. We don’t have to worry about being a disappointment to anyone, because we do not need to live according to anyone else’s expectations of us. 
15. We will all hurt. Embrace the pain, and know that suffering is a choice.