Indescribable

I cannot explain what is going on in my head right now.  The words won't come to me.  Descriptions are not possible.  I just know that it isn't good.

The difficult thing is that it also isn't bad.  I'm not suicidal.  I'm not hibernating in my bed, avoiding the world and all responsibilities.  I'm not any more bitchy or temperamental than what has become typical of me.  I'm still functioning...for the most part.

But there is this dark cloud over me.  It's like I'm swimming through sludge at something less than a snail's pace.  My thoughts are muddled and mixed up and they make no sense to me most of the time.  When they do, in that brief, flickering moment, I snag an ounce of clarity before it drifts away.  I have virtually no attention span rendering focusing on any given task for more than a few moments impossible.  It's taken me nearly an hour just to write this post.  I keep getting distracted and drawing a blank and falling into some random thought process that doesn't seem to even involve actual thoughts. 

I'm going to call my doctor today. I'm going to ask to drop the Wellbutrin just to see how that goes. And then? I don't know. The next steps rely on what the doctor has to say.

Until then, I'm just going to do my best to keep it together.  I really do feel like one move, one thought, one moment could shatter me into a million pieces.  I don't want that to happen.  It simply can't happen because I don't know if I will be able to pick up the pieces, much less put them back together to resemble something even remotely like me.