Hmm...

I don't have much to write about.  The meds aren't really helping.  Well, they are helping but I'm not to the point that I both need and want to be in my battle with mental illness.  I need them to boost me some. 

Still rather apathetic about most of life.  I'm experiencing emotions freely so that is still a good thing.  I'm not sad.  I'm not happy.  I just am.  Floating.  Flat-lining but not in the sense of the heart stopping and death.  Just a monotone beep that doesn't change for the good or for the bad.  It's a rather sucky way to live life but I could deal with it.  It is, at least, better than the alternative: the life I was experiencing prior to September and first getting back on my meds. 

I am taking better care of myself spiritually.  I meditate, write "morning pages", pray, and observe nature.  I do this daily.  It gives me a sense of peace.  I don't know if it is having any effect on my mental issues but it is helping my overall mood and general sense of contentment.  I also started a new class (Ritualist training) recently and am continuing with my other class (Feri book circle/class). 

On Sundays, I look at the classified for a job.  I want to work and need to work.  But the process isn't going very well.  I haven't really found a job that I'm qualified for or interested in or able to do.  I've yet to apply.  At the same time, the search brings on anxiety and I've worked myself out of a number of panic attacks.  I'm unsure if this means I'm not ready or just afraid or something completely different and/or totally irrelevant.  But I'm trying.  That's at least something.

Am I still spiraling?  I don't know.  If I am, it is even slower than it was nearly a month ago. 

I will keep on the 200 mg of Zoloft until March 27.  That will be three weeks.  Because it is already in my system, the increase should be working by them.  If there is no change, I have no clue what will be next to come.