Diary of a panic attack

This is from Anxiety Adventures.  It's accurate but, in my experience, no two panic attacks have been exactly alike.  Many of my panic attacks have had one or several of the above feelings/sensations.  There are many more, none of which I can recall at this exact moment.  You don't have the composure to analyze the panic attack in the moment that it is happening.  And after?  Well, after you are so exhausted and thankful you survived.  Your body hurts.  More than anything, you don't wish to relive the moments that have just passed so you don't and do your best to move on.  That makes it incredibly difficult to describe a panic attack.

Your head begins to swim, just slightly. Perhaps the back of your head begins to tingle – small tingles, almost like there are hundreds of fingers gently poking the base of your head. Time passes as your swimming, tingly head begins to get hot.

Your thoughts start to spin faster. You have trouble deciphering your thoughts.

Your throat begins to collapse…it doesn’t close necessarily, but it gets more difficult to breathe, like the sensitive part beneath your adam’s apple is caving in.

Among your muddled thoughts, a few appear and they are saying

• You can’t breathe.
• This isn’t safe.
• You’re going to die.
• You need to get out of here.
• You’re having a panic attack.

Once you realize it’s a panic attack, your flight response takes over, your thoughts are replaced with panic and you can’t think at all. Your whole body begins to tremble and you aren’t sure whether it’s noticeable. No position seems comfortable or comforting but you are unsure what position your body is even in. You have no awareness of your body.

Your head is filled with loud warning bells, flashing lights, flashing images, all moving at 1,000 miles per hour. You’re light-headed and weak, you can’t possible move.

Are you breathing? You aren’t sure.

Surely hours have passed since this all began, right? I’ve been panicking for hours.

The only thing that’s clear is that you are going to die. You are definitely dying.
 




 And then it stops. All of your muscles are tense. Your mind is filled with sand. You can breathe, albeit shakily. You may find your body in a position you don’t remember it being in.

Then the shame and embarrassment creep. Why did I have a panic attack? I should be able to control this.