I was able to get a bit of sleep after I posted my blog. Didn't get nearly enough but some is better than none. My brain and thoughts were still going completely bonkers so doing much of anything was difficult. But I had obligations that day so I did my best even though it was rough going.Li, Lo and I have a weekly get together on Thursday evenings. Mostly we do some witchy/pagan/learning/discussion-type of thing. Every two months we have a divination day where we get a chance to practice on each other and also get a reading our two of our very own. It's really nice.
By start time (5:00 pm) my brain was still a murky mess. I'd taken an Ativan but it wasn't helping. It was really getting annoying and almost even scary. Because of how I was feeling, I decided it was best to not do any tarot readings for the girls since interpreting something - anything - was not going to be possible. Focus was also not happening so most forms of divination were out for me. I decided I would go ahead and work on some Numerology since there isn't much interpretation involved early on in the reading. It made sense and still allowed me to play with my best friends.
I was hanging in there. I worked on the Numerology and listened while Lo did a reading for Li. I even added some interpretations of my own. We took a small break then so I decided to use the restroom.
This is when things went wonky and the unwelcome surprise made an appearance.
I used the restroom, washed my hands, dried them and my mind went totally blank. Blank really isn't the right word for it since there was still the racing thoughts screaming in my brain, but I totally forgot where I was. I took a couple of deep breaths and stared at myself in the mirror. It clicked that I was at the library. However, I had no clue what I was doing at the library. I walked out of the bathroom and looked around, hoping something would click. And it did. But those moments were terrifying. It maybe lasted twenty seconds but that was too long.
I have never experienced something like this. I do sometimes forget what I was going to say. It is like the thought is there and then I go to speak it and poof! it's gone. I also have been known to walk into a room only to forget the reason for entering it. Those are small events that happen to a lot of people. I feel they might happen more often to me but I really have nothing to base that on.
I did make it back to our meeting room and shared, briefly, the issue with Li and Lo. They were obviously concerned but I needed to leave. There were offers to follow me but I said I would be okay. I hoped that was the truth. I made it to my destination and texted both of them so they knew I was safe and sound.
Later that night, I shared the incident with my husband. It worried him as well. I told him that if it happened again, I would share it with Dr. S when I go back in January. If it happens more than once, I promised that I would contact the doctor immediately and get in to see him ASAP.The hubby and I also talked about how I was doing. He feels that I'm backsliding a little and I agree. I'm not where I was before going back on the medication, but I've had some decrease in patience and increases in crying and being snappish.
The Zoloft should be fully integrated into my system by now so the dosage is doing all that it can for me. I've been on the Wellbutrin for roughly six weeks and am still not noticing any difference. Part of me wishes I would have asked Dr. S to just keep me on the Zoloft for a while before changing anything. It's difficult to tell if the Wellbutrin is having an adverse effect or just not working. Maybe I just haven't given it enough time.
The plan is to just keep taking my meds as prescribed as long as there are no further incidents or a noticeable, further backslide into why I know to be my symptoms of depression. If there is a change for the worse or I have another blankout issue, I will see the doctor immediately.
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