Three weeks

I'm three weeks into my new med regimen that now includes Wellbutrin.  Sadly, I still feel no differently than I did before I started taking it.  A week ago I thought I was maybe even a bit worse.  I don't really feel that now but I don't feel any different either. 

The frustration continues to grow.  I talked to my husband a bit about it the other day.  He did good with listening and reminded me that I should try to keep calm and just give it some time.  It's good advice that I know but it always helps to bring it to the focal point again. 

And I am trying to not get worked up about it and what it could mean should it not work, but it is hard.  For one, I'm a planner.  I try my best to live in the present moment and not dwell on the past or over think the future.  Sadly, I fail at doing both of those things.  I'm not very good at the whole "wait and see" idea. 

Also, this is my life and well-being that these meds are attempting to help.  That is a HUGE thing and so it really is of top concern.  I know worrying about it does nothing but cause me to worry more and obsess.  It's not healthy for me and it is certainly not some mindset that I should get wrapped up in and over analyze.  I'm trying not to do that.

But it is difficult.

Very, difficult.

Sigh.

I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm trying to take a very proactive approach to handling my mental illness issue and I cannot do anything about how my meds may or may not work for me.  I have no control over that aspect except for how I deal with the "wait and see" methodology, which I'm not dealing with in a very good or productive manner. 

Add to that the fact that I'm a bit of a control freak and ugh, it is a recipe for many small freakouts and a few big ones.  Okay, I'm very much so a control freak and there is no "bit" about it and there are more big freakouts than small ones. 

I am trying.  I'm trying to remain in the present moment and just take one day at a time.  The phrases "what if" and "when will it" fly through my head at a rapid pace but I'm doing what I can to ignore them.  If I cannot ignore them, then I'm trying to address them slightly but not fixate on the thoughts or let them get out of hand. 

It is important to remember that it can take upwards of eight weeks, if not more, for the meds to enter into my system and begin to work.  Li said it took a long time for the Wellbutrin to start to show any affect on her depression.  I really should ask her how long it took for her.  That way I have a real person reference instead of the vague doctor and/or pharmacist statement.