Yesterday, I returned to the doctor after being off my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds for at least a year. Overall, it went as I expected but there were some moments that surprised me, in both good and bad ways.
I waited for a long time for my appointment. I get so frustrated when I have an appointment and it is not kept. I realize that things happen and that appointments cannot always be kept but I would feel much better, and be much less likely to have the panic attack I had, if someone would at least communicate with me. Let me know my doctor is swamped or was called away with an emergency. Just reassure me that I haven't been forgotten.
What do I mean by a long time to wait for my appointment? My appointment was for 2:30 pm. I arrived 15-20 minutes early to check in. At 3:30 pm, I was finally called back from the waiting room. I was then put in an examination room while a nurse took my information. To be fair, the clinic is going to a new computerized system so the intake was a bit slower than normal. After the intake, I sat there for at least 10 minutes before getting moved to a different examination room. I finally saw my doctor at 4:10 pm. This means that I waiting for my doctor for an hour and 40 minutes beyond my appointment time. I call bullshit.
In this post, I wrote about my apprehension for the appointment and what would probably happen. It is slightly accurate. One thing I can say for sure is that I now know that my doctor DOES LISTEN to me. Huge sigh of relief on that.
We talked and we both listened to each other. He told me that besides my meds, I need to also be leading a healthier lifestyle that includes getting eight hours of sleep each night, incorporating regular exercise and eating healthy and regular meals. I know that and agree and will do my best to make those healthy habits stick.
One of his new concerns, and one that I've heard before, is that I might be bi-polar. His thoughts are based on how my moods sometimes cycle rather rapidly. I do not experience intense mania, but may be quite "okay/normal" one moment and an hour later I can be impatient and in tears. Dr. S's concern is that if I'm bi-polar, treating me with only anti-depressants will be a bad thing that can actually escalate the mania moments. Not cool.
If I am bi-polar, I'm okay with that. Different diagnosis do not scare me any more. I feel the more I can be labeled with as far as my mental illness(es) go, the better because knowing what I have to battle against allows me to best prepare for that battle (e.g. medication, research, support groups). If I can name the problem, I can address it.
The fear I do have if I am bi-polar is affording the medication. It is much more costly than regular/typical anti-depressants. Dr. S did reassure me that there are a number of programs available to help offset the cost. There's a lot of paperwork involved and the application/referral process will take upwards of twelve weeks. I will need to rely on my parents even more should this be the case.
Because Dr. S isn't fully convinced I am bi-polar, we are going to continue to treat my depression and my anxiety. I'm back on Zoloft, 100 mg once daily and have Ativan, 0.5 mg that I can take up to three times a day as needed. I am to be hyper-vigilant for any expressions of mania or high moods. My anti-depressants should start to show in my moods in about two weeks with them reaching their maximum helpfulness in six-eight weeks. I am going back for a recheck in four weeks on October 16.
I'm back in the saddle again.
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