I know better now, so I can do better now

Awesomeness from the Brave Girls Club.  Love the mantra: "I know better now, so I can do better now."

Dear Merciful Girl,

What if? WHAT IF today was the day that you chose to stop blaming yourself for choices you have made (choices that you would make differently today, knowing what you know now, and being who you are now). What if instead you put your arm around yourself and kissed yourself smack on the cheek and said...

"I know better now, so I can do better now"....

...and then let it be done, once and for all.

No more blame, no more shame.

Then, what if that made you feel loved and safe enough to take all of the responsibility for those choices and turn those choices into fuel that will feed your beautiful new life with wisdom and experience?

WHAT IF?

Wouldn't that be so much easier, so much more peaceful, so much more loving and merciful, and SO MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE and RIGHT?

Yes, it would, beautiful friend. But you are the one who has to do it.

Sure hope you will.

You are so so sooo very loved.
xoxo

This

Listen to the truths

Dear Spectacular Girl,

You can be told a million times over how incredible you are, how loved you are and how much others believe in you and yet sometimes it's just too hard to believe for yourself. Sometimes, you just need to know what is true and what is real for your own self....

Beautiful girl, please take time to listen to the truths that are there for you. Seek for the deepest truth of who you are, who you were created to be, what your purpose is and the deepest truth about the individual plan that is meant just for you.

It is nice to know what others think of us. It is nice to hear nice things about our hair or our shoes or the way we decorate our house. But what is most important sweet friend is not the thoughts or opinions that others have of you. It is so important to do the work that it takes to come to the solid realization that you are a precious, amazing soul....that there is a plan for you and that if everything external was taken away from you, you would still BE YOU. You are the beauty. You are the miracle. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE PHENOMENAL.

And...you are so deeply deeply deeply loved.

xoxo

Thank you, Brave Girls' Club.

Needing a hug

Darling Shanda,

A little birdie told me that today, what you needed most was a big, quiet bear hug.

So I am here, like a warm, nurturing Earth Mother, with expansive arms and a soft bosom, pulling you inwards until our hearts beat side by side.

((((((((((((((Shanda)))))))))))))))
Did you feel that?

Your Inner Pilot Light

Okay

I haven't posted anything personal since October.  It's because, right now, I'm managing.

I still have some bad days but they are far less than they have been in the past year or so. 

I still have panic attacks but they are more easily alleviated and have greatly decreased.

I still am moody and get crabby but I'm recognizing it, and correcting it, much quicker.

I mentioned in September after I last saw my doctor, I'm to the point medication-wise, that if my current medications don't do it for me, we have to start over with trying new medications.  Been there, done that, hated it with every fiber of my being.  I really do NOT want to go through that process again so I have been trying to see if, at this stage, on these meds, I can have a quality life.

And I do.  It's not quite the quality that I want it to be but it is certainly better than it has been.  I need to have conversations with some of my trusted allies to get some input on how they think I've been doing.  I need to really dig deep and decide what the next step will be - will I continue on my current meds and this okay life? will I jump the train to the unknown and try one or more different meds?  I honestly don't know.

I'm on hold with my doctor right now and will be making an appointment for sometime in March.  I have a great deal to think about and analyze in the meantime.  Until something changes, or until after my doctor appointment, I probably will just post fluff about depression and other forms of mental illness.  But I am still here.  And I'm doing okay.

Seek peace, sweet girl

Brave Girls Club

Dear Gorgeous Girl,

Peace is good. Peace is so so good. It is worth it to travel whatever lengths you need to go to feel peace. Often, peace is right in front of our face if we will just silence everything else. Then sometimes we have to make really tough choices or go to great lengths to feel at peace. Whatever it takes, it is worth it. Always go where the peace is, especially the peace in your heart.

Peace is defined as in the dictionary as: freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquility; serenity. But peace is also defined as the normal, non-warring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world (or ourselves). Another definition of peace is silence; stillness.

When making tough decisions, you will never regret making the decision that brings the most peace to your heart. Sometimes it doesn't bring the most peace to your LIFE in the short term, but if it is what brings the most peace to your HEART, that's the place to go. Always go where the peace is.

Seek peace, sweet girl.

You are loved.
xoxo

Understanding what it means to be an introvert

I'm an introvert.  I never really thought about it because I can rock a crowd but it's all a show and I'm wearing a mask.  But I now realize that I am most definitely in introvert.  What about you?  Introvert or extrovert?

This link is 27 problems only introverts would understand shows some of the introvert issues.  The following are especially true for me:

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.
7. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare, because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.
8. When people stop inviting you places because you keep canceling plans.
9. Too many social obligations + no alone time = a total grump.
15. That feeling of dread that washes over you when the phone rings and you’re not mentally prepared to chat.
17. When you have an awesome night out, but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.
18. When people pressure you to be more social, whether you like it or not.
19. When you’re really excited to go out, but those good feelings don’t last long enough.
20. When you’re trying to get something done at work, but you can’t, because everyone else is talking.
24. When someone interrupts your thoughts, and you get irrationally angry.
26. And when you need to be completely alone so you can recharge and get back to being awesome.

Hard to understand

Remember this on days like today

Darling Shanda, 

You awe me with your strength. 

What you’ve endured - and how you do it with such finesse - is worthy of a huge round of applause. (Can you hear us clapping?) 

Your determination, your resilience, your courage - I mean, seriously, darling - WOW. 

So please, honey, don’t be so hard on yourself. 

What you’ve accomplished in this life so far is enough. YOU are enough, just in case you ever forget. 

Wildly cheering from the audience, 
Your Inner Pilot Light

You made it through

Dear Phenomenal Girl,

This was a year that you made huge strides that you won't even recognize for awhile. You touched people's lives that you don't even know about. You were protected from situations that you never saw coming, and so you don't even know how big that protection was. You overcame things that you weren't expecting and you made it through days that sometimes you weren't sure you could make it through. You woke up almost every day and decided to make the most of that day....and you did. You saw beautiful things, met beautiful people, and shared your beauty too.

This might be a chapter that you are thankful is over, and it might be one that made you laugh and that you will fondly remember. This year might be right in the middle of a chapter and the story of it has not played out yet.....your story goes on from here!

This year you grew. This year you learned. This year you had 12 whole months of brand new experiences that are a part of YOUR story. This year your story was rich with ups and downs and tragedy and triumph.

This year you made it through.

Sounds like a pretty fantastic year to me.

You are so loved...now and forever.
xoxo

Courtesy of Brave Girls' Club