Staying positive

Depression is a common condition; an estimated 10 percent of Americans will suffer from depression at some time in their lives. I suffer from clinical depression. Depression overwhelmed my life with feelings of loneliness, negative thoughts and emotions; I had difficulty going to work, talking to friends and family. My energy levels both emotional and physical were low. My life spiraled out of control. Eventually medication and hospitalization were necessary. They helped stabilize my condition, but staying positive while recovering from depression was difficult. My medication brought some relief, but I spiraled back into deep depression twice, at great cost to my life. I found that staying positive was the only effective way to overcome depression.

How do you stay positive while depressed?

It is difficult. Depression in itself brings negative thoughts; even medication will only ease some of those thoughts. In addition, the stigma, the financial, social and career problems caused by depression left me feeling hopeless. Staying positive is critical to a complete recovery. I keep a small notebook. I record negative thoughts and emotions that occur during my day. I record the time of day, and what I was doing. Then, each night I go through my notebook and look for patterns, or triggers to the negative thoughts and emotions. I replace the negative thought in my journal with a positive one that I wished or could have thought. The negative thoughts cause the negative emotions, so the idea is to train or reprogram your mind to have positive thoughts, which in turn create positive emotions. By writing down the negative thoughts and developing a plan for how to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, I was ready for them when they occurred.

Negative thoughts overwhelm me; I can't get them out of my mind let alone replace them with positive thoughts. What can I do?

It's like a catch 22. I needed to stop thinking negatively, but my brain wanted to hold on to the negative thoughts. I wanted a break from it. I found two things that brought relief from constant flow of negative thoughts and emotions I was experiencing- laughter and exercise. I developed a routine that incorporated both into my life. As my routine progressed, relief from the negative thoughts lasted longer. My ability to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts increased, and instead of spiraling down deeper into depression, I progressed further up into happiness

Laugh? All I want to do is cry, How can I laugh?

For me, it was watching sitcoms. They brought a half-an hour or so of relief everyday. I watched them before going to work, and after work, eventually my overall mood improved and the people around me reacted more positively to me. It was like a chain reaction, I became happier. I started the day happy and ended it with a smile. I stopped watching dramas and the news. Both paint a depressing picture of the world. What worked for me may not work for you. You might try having dinner with a fun friend, writing a funny story, playing with your dog or cat, but laugh. The old saying, laughter is the best medicine holds especially true for depression.

Exercise? I have no energy, it is a struggle to get out of bed, how do I exercise?

The key, start slowly. First, I walked around the block, and added a few steps each day. Eventually I was could walk three miles. I picked a pleasant route. So that I it was a pleasurable journey. I picked one with lots of people, trees and relaxing scenery. After the walk, I rewarded myself. The walks cleared my mind from the emotional clutter. My energy levels increased; I could walked further each day, and my outlook on life improved. The important thing is to start small, and get a routine going. Walking worked for me, but swimming, biking, running, even household chores, might work for you, but get your body moving.

Staying positive while depressed is critical for recovery. When overwhelmed with negative emotions It's difficult to stay positive, but it's something you must do. Three of the most effective ways to stay positive while depressed are journaling, laughing and exercising.

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Greg Johnson offers more information, tips and advice on his website. You will find a short depression quiz, a depression toolkit, facts on symptoms, types of depression, treatments, and A to Z guide on depression. To get your free downloadable PDF guide go to: http://depressionhelpandinformation.com/

Nine things that are really eight

The Huffington Post shared "9 Things Only People With Depression Can Truly Understand" and I found it to be a wonderful and accurate article.  Below are the 9 things, which only list 8 so that totally messes with my OCD-ness.

1. The frustration that comes when someone suggests you can "snap out of it."
2. People constantly confusing depression with sadness.
3. There is no such thing as a little victory.
4. Lack of energy means more than your run-of-the-mill afternoon slump.
5. There are physical symptoms -- and they're just as taxing as the emotional ones.
6. Things that used to be fun aren't quite as enjoyable.
7. The difficulty that comes with communicating your emotions.
8. The disorder is not one-size-fits-all.

Depression is misunderstood and as someone who deals with it on a daily basis, I find myself trying to explain what depression is and what it is not all too often.  Hopefully soon, it will be better understood by the masses.

Introvert-ness

Robin Williams

I am now painfully aware that no matter how much balance I find within myself, that I am still in danger, that I need to be constantly vigilant, and that my struggle could gain strength at any moment.

Until our society aggressively, strongly addresses mental illness, until we move it from a side issue to a real issue, until we give it the same priority as other illnesses… I will still have that fear. I will still shake my head at what is often a death-by-disease that we call suicide.

And we will all still need to speak up.

The above quote is from the article Robin Williams Didn't Kill Himself.  It discusses how his mental illness is what killed him.  It's true.

I've attempted suicide.  I was in that place where I was hopeless, the disease was too much, and I simply could not fight anymore.  I also didn't want to fight anymore.  

I'm glad I wasn't successful...with any of my attempts.

There are still days that I want to die.  I want to give up and just not have to deal anymore.  But this is different.  I have no intention of doing anything to end my life.  I don't have any plans on how I could end my life.  I don't really want to die...I just want the pain and agony and depression to stop.  I want to know what it feels like to not battle it day in and day out All.  The.  Time.

But I never know what could happen.  Is there something that could trigger me into trying?  Could circumstances lead me to making plans? 

I am in constant danger.  I need to fight every moment of every day.  I need to reach out when I start drowning in the illness.  I need to be hyper-vigilant.

It's all I can do.  

The death of Robin Williams is terribly sad.  His battle with mental illness was known and many couldn't see how the funny, wealthy, adored man could be so troubled.  Mental illness, among numerous other diseases/illnesses, are invisible disabilities.  You generally cannot see that something is wrong.  And because you cannot be visually reminded that there is a real disease, it becomes even more difficult to understand.

I would guess he had good days and bad days.  Everyone does.  Mental illness can make the bad days even worse, the good days barely okay, or even flip it back and forth between the two extremes.

Mental illness is a real disease.  It needs to be treated as such.  It can be just as tragic and debilitating as any other disease.  It affects the person with the disease and it affects their families and friends.  I can impact each and every part of their life.

I'm doing my part and speaking up and speaking out. I have to.

All the time

Sometimes

Be true

Dear Moving-Forward Girl,

Sometimes things happen in life that are very unfair and very painful...things that make us want to drop everything and tell our side of the story. We want to shout from the rooftops about what happened and how it got portrayed unfairly. Sometimes it takes a very long time for the truth to come out...and it is very very frustrating.

Incredible girl, please do the math and decide whether it is best to just move forward and keep doing good things and living a good life before you give your whole life to telling your side of the story. We can lose years of our lives trying to convince others that we have been wronged. Usually those who are waiting in the wings demanding to hear the juicy details are not the ones who stand beside us no matter what the story is.

Just keep being you. Just keep moving forward. Keep focused on where you want to end up and who you want to be with and how you want to feel. When we are true...the truth comes out shining bright. (even if we have to be patient and wait for it to happen)

When yucky things happen, it does not help to retaliate with more yucky things. What helps is taking the high road, being true and walking away from the fight. Even if fists are still swinging...people can fight AT us without fighting WITH US. There is absolutely no shame in walking away from the fight when it is time to walk away.

Don’t ever let a situation turn you into someone you are not. Be you. The truth will always reveal itself.

You are strong enough. Be true....and just keep being true. You are so very very very loved.

xoxo

Thanks, Brave Girls Club.

Cycle of life

From my Inner Pilot Light:

My dear Shanda, 

When one thing is born, something else has to go. Every birth is a death. 

When your destiny awaits you, you must let go of your past. 

To be what you must become, you must give up what you’ve always been. 

Grieve it. Cry it out. Hug it. Mourn its loss. 

Then let it go. Say goodbye. Release it. 

Now take my hand. You’re not alone. I’ll lead you there. 

This way, darling, 
Your Inner Pilot Light

Words of comfort

From StoryPeople

Connect to Earth

My dear Shanda,

When was the last time you took time to enjoy the natural healing energy from the Earth? When was the last time you plugged deep into the Earth and brought up all those core healing nutrients? Make time today. \

Find a park bench. Go for a hike. Stand on the beach. Turn your face to the sun. Let the breeze blow through your hair. Drink it all in.

Nature is the best medicine ever. Bask in it.

Ahhhh….

Your Inner Pilot Light

Tightrope

Most people she never tells about the tightrope because she doesn't want to listen to their helpful comments from the ground. - Tightrope from StoryPeople by Brian Andreas.

The truth of who you really are

The Brave Girls Club has this uncanny knack of knowing just what I need to hear in regards to my most current struggle.  Here's another perfect example.

Dear Gorgeous Girl,

You might sometimes forget the truth of who you really are. You might step back into the muck that has pulled you in and feel that old feeling of yucky inadequacy that has kept you stuck so many times. Remember that those icky feelings do not come from a place of truth.

When you are tired, weary, feeling weak and on shaky ground....that's the most important time to remember your magnificence. You must do your best to stay in the truth...the truth that you were created for a wonderful purpose, that there is a plan for you, that you are a miraculous & beautiful creation...a masterpiece.....that you are not just a number...that after you were made, the mold was broken and there is NOT A SINGLE SOUL on the face of the earth who is just like you.

You are SO important. You are SO LOVED. You are seen. You have not been forgotten. You are doing a wonderful job.

You are phenomenal. Don't forget it.

xoxo

I know better now, so I can do better now

Awesomeness from the Brave Girls Club.  Love the mantra: "I know better now, so I can do better now."

Dear Merciful Girl,

What if? WHAT IF today was the day that you chose to stop blaming yourself for choices you have made (choices that you would make differently today, knowing what you know now, and being who you are now). What if instead you put your arm around yourself and kissed yourself smack on the cheek and said...

"I know better now, so I can do better now"....

...and then let it be done, once and for all.

No more blame, no more shame.

Then, what if that made you feel loved and safe enough to take all of the responsibility for those choices and turn those choices into fuel that will feed your beautiful new life with wisdom and experience?

WHAT IF?

Wouldn't that be so much easier, so much more peaceful, so much more loving and merciful, and SO MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE and RIGHT?

Yes, it would, beautiful friend. But you are the one who has to do it.

Sure hope you will.

You are so so sooo very loved.
xoxo

This

Listen to the truths

Dear Spectacular Girl,

You can be told a million times over how incredible you are, how loved you are and how much others believe in you and yet sometimes it's just too hard to believe for yourself. Sometimes, you just need to know what is true and what is real for your own self....

Beautiful girl, please take time to listen to the truths that are there for you. Seek for the deepest truth of who you are, who you were created to be, what your purpose is and the deepest truth about the individual plan that is meant just for you.

It is nice to know what others think of us. It is nice to hear nice things about our hair or our shoes or the way we decorate our house. But what is most important sweet friend is not the thoughts or opinions that others have of you. It is so important to do the work that it takes to come to the solid realization that you are a precious, amazing soul....that there is a plan for you and that if everything external was taken away from you, you would still BE YOU. You are the beauty. You are the miracle. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE PHENOMENAL.

And...you are so deeply deeply deeply loved.

xoxo

Thank you, Brave Girls' Club.

Needing a hug

Darling Shanda,

A little birdie told me that today, what you needed most was a big, quiet bear hug.

So I am here, like a warm, nurturing Earth Mother, with expansive arms and a soft bosom, pulling you inwards until our hearts beat side by side.

((((((((((((((Shanda)))))))))))))))
Did you feel that?

Your Inner Pilot Light

Okay

I haven't posted anything personal since October.  It's because, right now, I'm managing.

I still have some bad days but they are far less than they have been in the past year or so. 

I still have panic attacks but they are more easily alleviated and have greatly decreased.

I still am moody and get crabby but I'm recognizing it, and correcting it, much quicker.

I mentioned in September after I last saw my doctor, I'm to the point medication-wise, that if my current medications don't do it for me, we have to start over with trying new medications.  Been there, done that, hated it with every fiber of my being.  I really do NOT want to go through that process again so I have been trying to see if, at this stage, on these meds, I can have a quality life.

And I do.  It's not quite the quality that I want it to be but it is certainly better than it has been.  I need to have conversations with some of my trusted allies to get some input on how they think I've been doing.  I need to really dig deep and decide what the next step will be - will I continue on my current meds and this okay life? will I jump the train to the unknown and try one or more different meds?  I honestly don't know.

I'm on hold with my doctor right now and will be making an appointment for sometime in March.  I have a great deal to think about and analyze in the meantime.  Until something changes, or until after my doctor appointment, I probably will just post fluff about depression and other forms of mental illness.  But I am still here.  And I'm doing okay.

Seek peace, sweet girl

Brave Girls Club

Dear Gorgeous Girl,

Peace is good. Peace is so so good. It is worth it to travel whatever lengths you need to go to feel peace. Often, peace is right in front of our face if we will just silence everything else. Then sometimes we have to make really tough choices or go to great lengths to feel at peace. Whatever it takes, it is worth it. Always go where the peace is, especially the peace in your heart.

Peace is defined as in the dictionary as: freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquility; serenity. But peace is also defined as the normal, non-warring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world (or ourselves). Another definition of peace is silence; stillness.

When making tough decisions, you will never regret making the decision that brings the most peace to your heart. Sometimes it doesn't bring the most peace to your LIFE in the short term, but if it is what brings the most peace to your HEART, that's the place to go. Always go where the peace is.

Seek peace, sweet girl.

You are loved.
xoxo

Understanding what it means to be an introvert

I'm an introvert.  I never really thought about it because I can rock a crowd but it's all a show and I'm wearing a mask.  But I now realize that I am most definitely in introvert.  What about you?  Introvert or extrovert?

This link is 27 problems only introverts would understand shows some of the introvert issues.  The following are especially true for me:

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.
7. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare, because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.
8. When people stop inviting you places because you keep canceling plans.
9. Too many social obligations + no alone time = a total grump.
15. That feeling of dread that washes over you when the phone rings and you’re not mentally prepared to chat.
17. When you have an awesome night out, but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.
18. When people pressure you to be more social, whether you like it or not.
19. When you’re really excited to go out, but those good feelings don’t last long enough.
20. When you’re trying to get something done at work, but you can’t, because everyone else is talking.
24. When someone interrupts your thoughts, and you get irrationally angry.
26. And when you need to be completely alone so you can recharge and get back to being awesome.

Hard to understand

Remember this on days like today

Darling Shanda, 

You awe me with your strength. 

What you’ve endured - and how you do it with such finesse - is worthy of a huge round of applause. (Can you hear us clapping?) 

Your determination, your resilience, your courage - I mean, seriously, darling - WOW. 

So please, honey, don’t be so hard on yourself. 

What you’ve accomplished in this life so far is enough. YOU are enough, just in case you ever forget. 

Wildly cheering from the audience, 
Your Inner Pilot Light

You made it through

Dear Phenomenal Girl,

This was a year that you made huge strides that you won't even recognize for awhile. You touched people's lives that you don't even know about. You were protected from situations that you never saw coming, and so you don't even know how big that protection was. You overcame things that you weren't expecting and you made it through days that sometimes you weren't sure you could make it through. You woke up almost every day and decided to make the most of that day....and you did. You saw beautiful things, met beautiful people, and shared your beauty too.

This might be a chapter that you are thankful is over, and it might be one that made you laugh and that you will fondly remember. This year might be right in the middle of a chapter and the story of it has not played out yet.....your story goes on from here!

This year you grew. This year you learned. This year you had 12 whole months of brand new experiences that are a part of YOUR story. This year your story was rich with ups and downs and tragedy and triumph.

This year you made it through.

Sounds like a pretty fantastic year to me.

You are so loved...now and forever.
xoxo

Courtesy of Brave Girls' Club