So, why a blog now?

I'm starting this blog as a form of therapy for myself because:

Two days ago, I had a huge epiphany.  My life was out of control and I didn't even really recognize myself anymore.  My depression had become who I was.  I didn't like it.  Not one little bit.

She finally let go of her fake smile...
Tears rolled down her face and she whispered, 

"I'm sick of this..."

So I did something that is very difficult for me...I asked for help.  I knew this battle was not something I could do on my own.  I needed support, now more than ever, from my husband.  Because I do not have any form of health insurance, I needed support from my parents - emotional and financial.  In time I will ask for additional support from my closest of friends and family members.

Those that I asked for help said they would be there for me.  This was an immense relief and I felt myself actually feel hope for the first time in a long while.

If found this shortly after I had this epiphany and it nailed what I've so long put off doing.

I need to take care of this and I am very confident that I can, especially with the help of my supporters.  But even if those supporters were gone tomorrow, or no longer able to help me in any way, I am still going to fight.  I'm done with depression running and ruining my life.  I want it back and I want to find my happy.

I know this means I will need to stay on my medication even when I'm feeling "good" again.  I know this means I need to take better care of myself.  I know this means I might have to seek further professional help.  But knowing this is half the battle.

So this blog is for me.  It's for me to keep a record of my progress or lack thereof.  It is for me to express myself, especially since I often find it difficult to feel like I can do an accurate job of conveying my thoughts and emotions through speaking.  It is for me to backtrack and record what I can remember from my battle thus far.  I will eventually share it with those I love, especially my supporters, but don't care if they want to read it or not.  And if they do read it, it is up to them if they wish to talk about it more or ask for clarification.