Back into the social scene

While I've done a few social things, they have been safe and easy.  I went to a health and holistic fair with absolutely no one I knew.  I've chatted with my aunts and cousins in a relaxed family atmosphere.  I have hung out with my dad and also with my mom, step dad, brother, and sister-in-law at home.  I have yet to go to an event with multiple people I know.

My friend, Di, has invited me to a women's empowerment group.  I'm interested but terrified of the conversations with new people.  These conversations always seem to focus around a few specific things - work/career, family/children, and other hobbies.

"Do you have children?" the perfectly lovely woman asks me.  I mumble a reply.  "How many?" she probes.  And that's when I crack and end up crying in front of strangers before leaving the room and being too embarrassed to return.  Ever.  So that's one social, and potentially life-changing/therapeutic, activity I can no longer enjoy or attend.

The Pagan group I'm most associated with in Omaha has had multiple rituals and classes since Kyah's death.  I want to go.  I long to go and, honestly, I need to go.  These people, the usuals at least, know me and know the situation.  But there will be questions and I'm just not strong enough to tell people I'm not ready or able to talk about it and will, instead, tell them and fall apart later and then require some recuperation time that may or may not interfere with my job.

And if there aren't questions but blatant support and hugs and looks of concern and apologies...I will break.  Fall completely apart.  Seriously...blubbering, snotting, hot mess express.

I need to figure out a way to start getting back out there.  I'm not an overly social person but do have my things I love.  I need to be able to do them.  My sanity does rely on it to a certain extent.