Okay

I haven't posted anything personal since October.  It's because, right now, I'm managing.

I still have some bad days but they are far less than they have been in the past year or so. 

I still have panic attacks but they are more easily alleviated and have greatly decreased.

I still am moody and get crabby but I'm recognizing it, and correcting it, much quicker.

I mentioned in September after I last saw my doctor, I'm to the point medication-wise, that if my current medications don't do it for me, we have to start over with trying new medications.  Been there, done that, hated it with every fiber of my being.  I really do NOT want to go through that process again so I have been trying to see if, at this stage, on these meds, I can have a quality life.

And I do.  It's not quite the quality that I want it to be but it is certainly better than it has been.  I need to have conversations with some of my trusted allies to get some input on how they think I've been doing.  I need to really dig deep and decide what the next step will be - will I continue on my current meds and this okay life? will I jump the train to the unknown and try one or more different meds?  I honestly don't know.

I'm on hold with my doctor right now and will be making an appointment for sometime in March.  I have a great deal to think about and analyze in the meantime.  Until something changes, or until after my doctor appointment, I probably will just post fluff about depression and other forms of mental illness.  But I am still here.  And I'm doing okay.